Holiness vs. Perfectionism

I have grown up in the church my entire life. I am a Vacation Bible School (VBS) and church camp veteran. I prayed at school during lunch in my junior high and high school days. I invited friends to church. I went to a Christian university and I am involved in ministry. I have daily devotions and prayer time and I love Jesus. And recently, all of that has just not been enough. I'm not saying any of these things are bad. In fact, they are good. They are very good. But is it okay to say that I want more? For the past two years I have been craving something deeper. I have desired to know God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit on a level that I can't even express. It is almost as if my heart will implode if I don't begin to uncover the mysteries of God.

To put my desire in one sentence: I want to live a life with the expectancy of Olam Haba, which is Hebrew for "a world to come." Ponder the weight of that sentence. Can you imagine living life with the expectancy of heaven coming down to earth? Powerful.

I went on a retreat this past weekend at Camp Marengo in Marengo, Ohio and the speaker talked of The Nazirite vow, which can be found in Numbers chapter 6. In a nut shell, God told Moses to inform the Israelites that if they wanted to make a special vow to God they must live with extreme intentionality. The Nazirite vow was not necessarily for all, but for those who wanted to go deeper in their journey with God. This type of vow was made up of disciplines not to achieve perfection, or become "better." The vow was designed to humble a person and remind him that God is in control. It drove them into a deeper knowledge (both head and heart knowledge) of who God was, who He is, and who He always will be.

Through this vow, God is saying that living a life of holiness is not only attainable for some, but achievable for all. Stay with me, this next point blew my mind and I'm still trying to wrap my thoughts around it. In the Hebrew language, "holiness" is translated as "set apart" or "separate." Here is the crazy part of all of this. Holiness does not mean completely separating yourself from the culture or from non-believers, but it means being set apart by being transparent and honest. Holiness = transparency. Transparency = confession. Confession = grace through the cross of Jesus Christ.

Wow...talk about blowing my mind away! Holiness actually means transparency and not perfection? And what does that mean? That means I no longer have to push myself the point of exhaustion, so I can do everything perfectly. It means that if I want to dive deeper into God's love, I do not have to be scared of disappointing Him with my humanness. This means that if I want to take a special vow and live a life of Godly discipline, I still have the freedom to screw things up. On the contrary to the belief of many, holiness is not hypocritical because it doesn't mean perfection. Holiness is not pretentious because it doesn't mean perfection! Holiness is not impossible because it doesn't mean perfection!!Can you taste the freedom as you read these truths?! Friends, this means that it is 100% possible to be holy. It means that we are so incredibly loved by the living God. It means we are covered in unimaginable grace. Halleluiah!

Thank you, God for showing me the reality of who You are. I still have so much to learn, but being able to grasp on to this and run with it will drastically change my life. My prayer for us all is that we can have the courage to allow God to define and refine us through holiness. May we stop trying to define God. He is beyond definition. You are holy. You are honest. Thank you, God, for giving us the gift of choice, so that we too can find freedom in a holy life. Amen!

How Can a "Worrier" be Trasformed Into a "Warrior?"

I cannot take it anymore! I have been writing like crazy in my journal story after story and prayer after prayer, but I have not shared those stories and prayers with you in what feels life forever. This blog will be my attempt to summarize what God has been teaching me these past few months. Please stay with me as I do my best to spill out my heart using my limited English language. There are not enough words to express God's goodness.

I am a worrier. I wish I could say "warrior," but alas, I say "worrier." Major difference. I worry about everything. My first reaction to change is, "OH MY GOODNESS! How is this going to work out?!" Can anyone relate? Someone please say yes!

The big question I have been asking God is, "How can You turn this worrier into a prayer warrior?" I ask this because I know that worrying begins in the mind. Everything is a mind game. I figure that if I change my mind set from constant worry, to constant prayer, then I will begin to be more like Christ. But uh oh...there is that word again. CHANGE. As I reflected on my fear of change, I recognized that it is in times of transition when Satan pursues my mind with fierce determination. His desire is to poison my mind with thoughts of self doubt, fear, and worry. I am thankful to God that He is giving me the wisdom to decipher between truth and deception. Knowing I am being deceived by Satan is only the first step though. The next step is learning how to change my mind set from worry to prayer. Geez...

I was reading the Exodus story last night with some friends. We read about how afraid the Israelites were to walk into freedom even with all the miraculous signs God gave them. I mean, following a pillar of fire by night and having a sea be parted before your eyes?! Talk about insane! Even with those signs they had doubt and worry. But God promised them again and again that He would provide and He always followed through.

It is easy to think that the Hebrew people were ridiculous for not believing in God at times, but that is because we know the end of the story. They had years and years of oppression that caused fear and insecurity to be deep rooted into their history. I can relate to their worry. They must have thought, “How is this going to work out?!"

As I was reading the story with my friends, I stopped in my thoughts and realized that I actually do know the end of my story! My story ends with eternal life in Christ Jesus. So…I will focus my mind on things unseen (2 Cor. 5:18) and choose to have faith. I will not lose heart (2 Cor. 5:16). I will present all my requests to God, with thanksgiving, and experience a peace that saturates my heart and mind (Phil. 4:6-7) I will not worry about tomorrow because God will not fail to provide (Matt. 6:25-34). Moral of the story, this “worrier” is slowly turning…very slowly…turning into a “warrior.” Praise God.

If you can relate to this constant state of worry, be encouraged. There is hope. You may feel as though you are wandering in a desert with no direction, but God is leading you down a path of faith. Instead of worrying when the changes come, let’s remember that "our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." (2 Cor. 5:17)

Love,
Lindsey