The Shadow of the Almighty

Sunday, as the pastor was praying, I had a vision of God. There He was in all of His glory, this massive figure standing taller than any building or structure I had ever seen. I looked up and up and up, but failed to see the details of His figure because the noon sun was high in the sky, and I was being blinded by its intense light. I had been standing in the scorching sun for years and it's demands took a miserable toll on my fragile body. I was desperate for relief. Just as I was about to fall over from the weight of the sun, something began to spread across the earth behind God; it was His shadow. The shadow stretched for miles and miles both long and wide.

Finally, the shadow stopped growing and there I was, standing at it's edge. I was still positioned in the blazing sun, feeling it's effects on my mind and body. The sun represented deadlines, achievement, success, and perfectionism. It demanded that I stay ahead of the game, work hard at any cost, and make something of myself. The only thing the sun did not burn out of me was my worry, anxiety, anger, and selfishness; but, God had casted a gift before me which stirred new hope deep inside my heart. He was offering the gift of relief, peace, and sincere rest.

For years I stood under the weight of the sun, but now I was presented with a choice. I could stay in the sun and eventually die from it's vicious demands, or I could step over into His shadow. "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." Psalm 91:1. Never before had I viewed rest as a choice, or as a necessary part of fulfillment for my bones and soul. The only rest I had experienced was the collapse of utter exhaustion or the guilty rest of "should haves." People before me had said rest was for those who could no longer keep up or carry on.

There I stood on the brink of crossing over into peace and rest, holding my breath. I decided to step over into the shadow of the Almighty, and I instantly felt a cool breeze. My dry skin began to replenish with moisture and my aching, stiff bones began to move with ease. I said with a sigh of relief, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Psalm 91:1. I began to sing in the shadow of His wings. Psalm 63:7

I looked up and around and saw that the shadow offered me clearer vision. I could feel my anxiety and worry flake off of my mind and I watched it disappear in the wind. A warmth then filled my mind with assurance and peace. I had never before felt so rested, so whole. Life in the shadow of His wings saved me from the distress of the sun. Joy overflowed in my soul and then I looked beyond His shadow where I once stood. People on the outside of the shadow were either fainting from exhaustion or falling to their death. My mended heart began to break, my rested eyes filled with tears, and my clear mind began to think, "please come rest in the shadow."

Journey By Faith

Hebrews 11 is a fantastic chapter in Scripture for me to read at any point in my spiritual journey. Each time I read it, new lessons and life applications are drawn out and I feel inspired, motivated, and/or convicted to examine my trust and reliance on God's Sovereignty. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1
This chapter starts us off with a definition of faith so that we are all on the same page as the author lists a bunch of ordinary people living out extraordinary faith. A few weeks ago when I read this passage again, my focus drifted to the ways in which faith manifested itself within the lives of each person listed. It is pretty remarkable.

1. "By faith we understand . . ." (v.3)
2. "By faith Abel offered . . ." (v.4)
3. "By faith he was commended. . ." (v.4)
4. "By faith he still speaks . . ." (v.4)
5. "By faith Enoch was taken . . ." (v.5) - God calls us home through faith
6. "Without faith, it is impossible to please God . . ." (v.6) "Anyone who comes to Him must believe He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him earnestly."
7. "By faith Noah built . . ." (v.7)
8. "By faith Abraham obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going" (v.8)
9. "By faith he made his home in the promised land"
10. "By faith Abraham was enabled . . ." (v.11)
11. "By faith Abraham offered sacrifice . . ." (v.17)
12. "By faith Isaac blessed . . ." (v.20)
13. "By faith Jacob blessed his sons . . ." (v.20)
14. "By faith Joseph spoke . . ." (v.22)
15. "By faith Moses' parents hid him . . ." (v.23)
16. "By faith Moses left Egypt . . ." (v.27)
17. "By faith the people passed through the Red Sea . . ." (v.27)
18. "By faith walls fell . . ." (v.30)
19. "By faith Rahab welcomed . . ." (v.31)
20. "By faith Gideon conquered . . ." (v.33)

It is then recorded that none of these faithful ones received what they were promised, but only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. (v.13-14 and v.39). Does this mean that they were, that we are, faithful in vain? The answer is simply, no. "They admitted they were strangers on earth . . .they were longing for a better country--a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them." (v.13 &16). It is a lie to think that God is unfaithful to His followers because they do not always receive the blessings of their faith first hand. The truth is, God is MORE faithful because He knows He has prepared a Kingdom far greater than any earthly blessing. "God had planned something better for us. . ." (v.40). Do we trust in His promises? Do we trust in His unfailing love?

"In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling." Exodus 15:13

"But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation." Psalm 13:5

"For I have always been mindful of your unfailing love and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness." Psalm 26:3

"Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind" Psalm 107:15


The faithful followers mentioned in Hebrews 11 were Kingdom minded. Their faith in God's unfailing love is made evident through their obedience and trust in His promises. If you are in a place of hopelessness, desperate to be faithful, then read Hebrews 11. After you read it, obey it. This is always easier said than done, but the beauty of it is that God's grace, through His Son Jesus Christ, extends to each of us along the "journey by faith." I am learning that even when I fail to be faithful, God's faithfulness is unwavering and His love is unfailing. May your heart find rest and peace in the Truth of His Word.

The Way To Grace Is Humility

It has been a while, a long while, since I’ve shared my heart on this blog. My last blog was right before I began my first and last year of grad school. That is right friends! I am cramming a 2-3 year Masters of Social Work Program into 1 year. Needless to say, I have been doing a lot of writing, but it has been in the form of APA style research papers. Sometimes I feel crazy for doing this, but most of the time I feel humbled. It was strange how at peace I was to leave a job, friends, and a church I adored to explore this next chapter of life. I am certain God’s hand has been, and continues to pave the way, for learning.

I came to Asbury University to further my social work education and to learn more about Jesus along the way. It seemed like a great plan. There were a few minor hiccups along the way, but for the most part everything worked out well to get down here. I got lucky with a great roommate, wonderful classmates who quickly became friends, intelligent professors, and the beautiful Kentucky landscape. (I even got to bring my cat, Stinky! For those of you who don’t know, I named my cat Stinky which is another blog in itself.) I came to Asbury to learn and to figure out life. Ha! Figure out life!?

Since I have been here God has been wrecking me. Absolutely destroying me actually. It has been undeniably necessary for God to humble me so that I would sincerely find Him and experience healing from my secrets. I knew I had a lot to learn, but I have quickly realized that I will not find worth in knowledge. I will not find self-validation in perfect grades. I will not find acceptance in service and good works alone. It is only by GRACE that I live and breathe. It is ONLY by the Grace of Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God that I find restoration and hope for myself and for this world. He has chosen to humble me by convicting me to confess my deepest sins, not only to Him, but to the people closest to me as well. “Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. . . If he has sinned, he WILL be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” James 5:13 & 15-16

Jesus said to Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Never will you feel more humbled and weak as to when you are confessing that “hush hush sin” to God, and to a trusted friend, but never will you feel more free. My hands shook, my throat went dry, and I wanted to hide my face. I wanted to shrivel up and die. I couldn’t believe I was sharing my secret shame and guilt, sharing the past I always swore to keep stuffed down inside of me. I was verbally acknowledging and admitting my detestable secrets to another person! I thought, “Will I be accepted? Will I still be beautiful? Will my life of following Jesus be irrelevant to others now that I have made known these secrets? Will they see me as a liar and a hypocrite?” But, as I spoke those words that described my darkest shame, a flood of truth and grace poured over my body and anointed me. I was exposing the ugly truth, but instead of dying, the healing power of Jesus breathed new life into me. My trusted friend, who also happens to be my wonderful boyfriend Matthew, looked at me and said, “You are still and will always be the most beautiful woman I have known on both the outside and most importantly the inside. This doesn’t change the way I see you. I love you.” As my devoted Matthew spoke those words of grace to me I sensed Jesus saying, “If another human can extend grace and love, how much more am I reaching out to you? I love you. Come to me.” Jesus says in the Bible, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:7-11

With tears of joy and humility I ran. I ran to Him. I am running to Him. He has loved me into His arms, and I am never turning back. I am so thankful God has called me to this place to prepare my heart for Him in these humbling days. If you are longing for freedom from that dark place of shame in your heart, it is available. Find a trusted friend who walks with the Lord and share with them your entire heart. The good, the bad, the ugly. Confession of my sins to God and fellow believers has wrecked me, but with the purpose of being put back together so I can FINALLY be whole. I promise you it is worth every tear and pain. I am out of breath from the run, but I am breathing in grace.

Broken Heart

I couldn’t take it anymore. Last night my heart broke into pieces for this world. Tears poured out of my eyes and there was no use in trying to stop. I don’t think I could have stopped even if I wanted. Something inside of me awakened, and I had no choice but to cry and scream out to God. “God, how do you stand it? If I feel this incredible pain and deep disgust with the way this world is, how much more do you feel? Please, please Lord, what can I do?” This heart break was triggered from watching a portion of The Pianist, a movie depicting the realities of the Holocaust. After 40 minutes I began crying uncontrollably. I asked my friend to turn it off. I had seen enough. My heart was beating wildly in my chest and my stomach was twisting in knots. The horrors of those images burned in my mind like hot coals. How could such extreme hate exist? What power came over people to make them think that lives are indispensable? The confusion, sorrow, and anger I felt was indescribable and so strong. You may say, “Lindsey, it is just a movie,” but it isn’t just a movie. Genocide and hatred are not a thing of the past. To tell me that what I saw is “just a movie” makes me angry because it simply isn’t true.

How is it that we have become so desensitized? It is so bizarre to me that our culture craves movies that evoke strong emotions and inspiration, like an addict craves his next fix, but in actuality we don’t feel anything. We want to experience emotion because it reminds us we are alive, but our emotions are often in vain. We consume emotions and think that their purpose is to make us feel, but there purpose is to make us act. Emotions, when surrendered to Jesus Christ, are a way for us to connect to Him and His Holy Spirit. Emotions move us to action. My question is, “Where is the action? Where is the change?” We are either numb to emotions all together and have fallen into the sin of apathy, or we are addicted to feelings and “feel” is all we ever do.

Anger is just one way to express heart break and that is where I find myself in this moment. I wish my tears could anoint the soil we walk on and heal the ground. I wish my arms were big enough to wrap around all the hurting people and assure them of hope. I wish I was brave enough to look into the eyes of the hurting and into the eyes of my enemies and truly love. Last night while I was driving home, I wondered how I have contributed to the love in this world, and then I reluctantly wondered how I have contributed to the hate. I am so incredibly thankful for God’s absolute grace. Thank you, God, for the promise of life through your grace, Jesus Christ. You are the Savior, not me. Amen.

Perhaps the most awful and wonderful realization I came to last night was that I am selfish. No one likes to be told or recognize that they are selfish, so it was awful. However, in a sense, it was wonderful to identify and I thanked God for those moments of clarity. Why would I want to be oblivious to the ways in which I’m contributing to our fallen world if being aware means changing for the better? I can have no other response but joy when I see my shortcomings because I know that is when I have a choice to surrender and watch God’s redemption unfold.

Another self discovery was that I do not have a solid grasp on love. Paul, who wrote most of the new testament and was transformed radically by the power of love through Jesus, wrote, “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I posses to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

Wow . . . honesty says that I have fallen short of love. Here is the deal, people look at my life and see a life of service. I have been told time and time again that I am doing great things for the Kingdom and that my heart for service is commendable and beautiful. Those things are encouraging, but what does God say about my heart? “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 Where is my heart? My heart has been craving glory, self-indulgence, and approval. I am not saying it is always like that, but there are definitely seasons where that has been the case.

Bottom line, I want to love and in order to do that I must be filled with it too. I do not want to contribute to the hate and disconnect in this world any longer. God, may you continue breaking our hearts so that we can step out of our own way, step out of our selfishness, and experience the love you have been lavishing upon us. May our emotions move us to action, may our apathy move us to your throne, and may all of these things lead us to Love.

Amen.

I Like Fruit

If there is one thing that brings me great joy in life over everything else it is learning. Whether it is in the classroom, through an experience, or through relationships, I soak up all I can. This has gotten me called a nerd in the past, but who cares! All joking aside, learning is the spice of life. Learning how to live, who to be, and who to live for is really exciting, especially if you have a Good Teacher. While all of the things I just said are completely true, there is another truth in my life that sits just beneath the surface. It is so subtle that it took me a while to recognize it. Allow me to explain.

I believe God gave me a deep desire to learn and grow, and in return, share those lessons with others in creative and practical ways. I find immense purpose and joy in sharing about Jesus and how He is changing me. I find purpose in this because I know in sharing my struggles, sins, pains, and weaknesses, someone else will find the freedom to do the same. As a result, how can Satan have any power over us through shame and guilt? The deepest shame and most hidden secrets are brought to light, and we suddenly realize that they do not have power in the light like they did in the dark. Confession paired with the will to change through grace equals freedom in Christ. Satan’s power is diminished all because we are not ashamed to learn and grow out loud. Interestingly enough, today in my daily devotions I realized that each time I learn something about myself that needs to be refined or redeemed, I feel the pang of guilt and then I focus on it. I think, “Oh my goodness, how could I have this sin in my life after all this time? How could I still be giving in to self indulgence and pride?” Then, instead of rejoicing in the fact that God loves me enough to instruct me, I feel the weight of self pity settle on my shoulders the way dust settles on the top of a shelf. Be warned that self pity is the complete opposite of gratitude and it will absolutely destroy you. It will escalade the inevitable guilt we feel when we realize we are wrong, and it will distract us from our growth in Christ. We must remember that there is no condemnation in Christ and that His instruction is meant to give us life! I’m not saying all guilt is bad because we should feel guilt if we’ve done something wrong, but it isn’t designed to stay with us. Guilt is designed to guide us to grace. “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.” Romans 8:1-3

Today the Holy Spirit taught me that I have not fully grasped the truth in these verses. Satan is trying to deceive me. He wants me to feel crippled by God’s loving rebukes, so that I can crawl into self-pity feeling alone and defeated; away from God’s protection. Satan discretely laces the heaviest of chains into the most joyful places of my heart, so I might forget that learning is a process. “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:6-8 I have been made alert today, and I am thankful.

God does not expect me, or you, to know everything the moment we ask Him to guide our lives. He wants us to enjoy the learning process and receive hope from His loving instruction. Yes, we will feel pain, but let’s be real here for a second. We both know that neither of us can truly grow to be like Christ if we don’t acknowledge and get rid of our sin. Jesus says, “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” John 15:1-2 Pruning hurts. Learning hurts. The result is sweet goodness from fruit in our lives, and I like fruit. I pray that as you read the Word today, God will continue to teach you and give you the courage to share with others. I will continue to do the same.

He Loves You,

Lindsey

Living with Anticipation

It has been a while since I’ve written a new blog. It isn’t for lack of inspiration or thought, but because I have too many thoughts! In these next few paragraphs I want to proclaim the reasons my soul celebrates today. Ironically, most of the reasons to rejoice blossomed from struggle, pain, and sorrow. I am learning that in order for my heart to truly know joy, I must experience sorrow and embrace it. God hold us in the dark times, so we come out of it looking more like you.

First, we just celebrated and continue to celebrate the most incredible and awe inspiring season of all time. Easter! We now can be reconciled to God through His Son Jesus Christ, and not only have life, but have it abundantly! We can know and experience grace through a relationship with the Creator God and find liberty from our selfishness. Can I get an AMEN? Amen. The expectancy of Easter‘s promise makes my heart glad and I pray that I can live in its truth all year long. Plus, I got to spend time laughing and worshipping with my amazing family. =0) The anticipation of Easter. . .

Second, I am moving to Kentucky in June. Yes, Kentucky! I will be completing a graduate program to receive my Masters in Social Work from Asbury University. No, I don’t know what I want to do with the degree. No, I don’t know anyone in Kentucky. Yes, I will be living on student loans, again. Yes, I am excited and yes, I am insecure all at the same time. I decided just to answer the questions I know you might be thinking. The anticipation of adventure. . .

Third, I am enjoying the company and conversation of a new and unexpected person in my life. I have been encouraged, I have been challenged, and I have been happy. Don’t you just love how God blesses you through people?! His design for relationship and community is an incredible gift. The anticipation of relationship . . .

Fourth, I am hearing God say through His Word and through His people to not bury my talents just because I don’t know what to do with them, or because I'm not "the best." Oswald Chambers says, “We must never measure our spiritual capacity on the basis of our education or our intellect; our capacity in spiritual things is measured on the basis of the promises of God. . . When it is a question of God’s Almighty Spirit, never say, ‘I can’t.’ Never allow the limitation of your own natural ability to enter into the matter. If we have received the Holy Spirit, God expects the work of the Holy Spirit to be exhibited in us.” Just as we have a spirit of anticipation and expectancy through Christ, God Himself expects to display His power through His children. Wow. . . wow is all I can say to that. I encourage you to read Matthew 25:14-30 and dig deep into how God desires to use your talents. Are we putting limitations on what God can do through us because we ourselves are limited? “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13 He is God of all and He is everything. He has no limitations. The anticipation of the Holy Spirit. . .

Fifth, and final for now, I joyfully exclaim that I am finding sweet freedom from something that has had a grip on my life for the past year and a half. I cannot go into great detail in order to respect others, but I can say with confidence that God’s grace and healing power is true and real. I am FREE from lies. I am FREE from self pity! I have been rescued from something that was made to destroy and God has made it into something good. Oh how I pray that you find the same freedom from what holds on tight to you and whispers lies into your heart. Believe the truth, and the truth is that Jesus Christ is the Way. “I [Jesus] am the Way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6 The anticipation of FREEDOM. . .

Anticipation and excitement build as I praise God in the present and hope for God for the future. May you walk in faith as you love God and love people.

Love,
Lindsey

The Power of Grace

I find it both amazing and frustrating when the Holy Spirit reveals the meaning of His promises. I find it amazing because it is confirmation that God is truthful when He says He wants to bring me life. Jesus says, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10) I find it frustrating, because when the Holy Spirit gives new insight into an old subject, the only words I have to describe the revelation are words that have been used over and over again from others. I want to be able to explain things differently so that people hear truth, and not clichés. These next thoughts are my attempt to do just that, emphasis on attempt.

My hope through this post is to bring direct glory and praise to God, and inspire you to seek a relationship with Him beyond religious practices. You see, the only way to grow in Christ is to have a relationship with Him. Yeah, I know . . . this is a Christian cliché, but it shouldn’t be because it is something I am learning to be truer with each passing breath. For example, I have been practicing the religion of Christianity for 23 years and it has done nothing for me except make me a class act citizen and moral human being. Do not misunderstand this statement. I am incredibly grateful for my Christian upbringing because it has paved a path to learn about God through His people and His Word, but while religion may have changed me, it has not transformed me. It is my relationship with Christ that has cast out fear, defeated strongholds, and helped me crawl out of self pity and self loathing. It is my relationship with Christ that has peeled scales of ignorance off of my eyes and expanded my worldview, and it is my relationship with Christ that has given me insights from the Holy Spirit. I would like to share with you my most recent insight.

Grace is a small word with big meaning. One year ago I became awakened to the fact that I was familiar with the concept of grace, but the power of grace was something I had not yet accepted. How could this be when I grew up hearing about grace my entire life? After evaluating this new awakening, I was certain that I hadn’t accepted grace because I was still swallowed by shame and guilt. I didn’t feel the freedom of which people spoke. This came as a shock to me because I thought I had accepted grace. I thought learning about Christ’s death on the cross and asking Him to come into my life meant I had accepted it. Isn’t that all I had to do? Why was I still feeling chained by the past? To put it simply, I misinterpreted the word “acceptance” in this case. I had accepted a concept, but I hadn’t yet allowed grace to be personal. How do you accept something like this on a personal level? I was so confused.

I’ve been praying for almost a year that God would teach me about grace and teach me how to accept it. I believe I began to feel the power of grace when I comprehended that it could only be accepted through honesty with others and confession before God. The only way I was able to comprehend this was through spending intentional time with God in prayer, reading His Word, and discussing this with trusted family and friends.

Side note: When I think of the word “confession” I automatically think of shame and guilt. Maybe it is because those things have always been my motivation to confess. However, the Holy Spirit has been revealing to me that belief in God’s unconditional love means my motivation to confess is no longer guilt or shame. It hit me that one of the reasons I was living outside of His freedom was because I didn’t completely trust in His promises. It takes a lot of faith to believe that God’s love is unconditional when we live in a conditional world.

Getting back on track, grace can only be accepted through the belief that honest confession before God results in abundant life and love in Him. “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)There isn’t a formula to solve in order to come to this understanding. Honestly, I am only scratching the surface of understanding and I will never claim to know everything. I have much to learn, but the difference is that now I am excited to learn! I am being taught that surrendering to God means throwing off my shame, watching it dissolve, and exploding with joy to give God glory! I encourage you to pray through the clichés and look into the truth. God is full of grace, and He wants you to accept it. You can accept it and you can be free!

I pray these words and my journey offer some sort of help or insight into your own walk with God. Above all, turn to the Word and a trusted Christian figure in your life to begin seeking what it is God is longing to tell you. I can say with confidence that you may be challenged by what He has to tell you, but you will not be disappointed.

Love,
Lindsey

A Renewed Mind: Choosing the Consequences of Honesty

This blog is a continued look into how God is renewing my mind and transforming my heart. A few weeks ago I was convicted to choose gratitude in times of worry and stress. It is easy for me to go on a downward spiral of negativity, and I knew that kind of thinking was only perpetuating my anxiety as opposed to defusing it. I have begun to see small changes in my thinking, and I am learning the meaning of grace and humility.

Now I am hearing God whisper that it is time for me to embrace honesty in its entirety. Some background information: I am anticipating major life transitions with a mixture of excitement and fear. As always, transition brings change, and change brings decisions. I am feeling enormous pressure to make solid decisions in a limited time frame, and that is completely overwhelming me. This Sunday I was fervently praying that God would give me guidance. I heard Him say, “You must not be afraid of the consequences of honesty. I have called you to a life of purpose through Me, and you must walk in complete honesty with Me, yourself, and others. No matter what circumstances turn out to be, I am your Solid Rock.” My heart then kept hearing God whisper, “I am your Solid Rock. Nothing can separate you from me. Do not fear. I am your Solid Rock. Your Solid Rock. Solid Rock. . ."

When I say “honesty” I am talking about a deep rooted vulnerable honesty within myself. I am speaking of honesty that does not tolerate fear, values expressing itself, and shares from the heart. I am speaking of honesty that is less concerned with “being right” and more concerned about being alive. I want to be honest no matter what the consequences, because feeling the consequences means being alive in Christ! Feeling the consequences of honesty means allowing God to move me, teach me, guide me, and hold me. Also, feeling the consequences of honesty helps deepen relationships through reconciliation. It strengthens our understanding of ourselves and others.

I pray that as you quiet your soul before God today, you feel the Holy Spirit move you towards vulnerable honesty with Him. Below are some Scriptures that have helped guide me in these thoughts. I hope I have expressed myself well enough to bring encouragement to those who need it. Remember, God is our Solid Rock and will be with us always.

Encouragement from The Word:

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8: 28

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10

A Tribute to Grandpa Marler

Today is an important day in the Marler Family. It is the 1 year anniversary that our precious Luther Marler went home to be with Jesus. Luther was a dad, husband, friend, story teller, provider, and WWII veteran. To me, and to eight others, he was simply grandpa. He was also hilarious. The last time I talked with him before he died, he called me his “little sugar lump peach pie.” Oh grandpa . . . only he could refer to me as a “lump” and it be endearing.

March 7th 2010, on this side of heaven, was a day I wish would fade from my memory. My parents and sisters and I were on our way to Chicago to visit grandpa. He had recently been diagnosed with cancer and we wanted to visit him to bring laughter and encouragement. We were an hour away from his home when we got a call that he was in the hospital and had just passed away. Silence. Shock. Sorrow. Disbelief. The planned visit of laughter and encouragement turned into days of sadness and tears.

But I am not writing to share my side of the story. March 7th 2010, on the other side of heaven, was a day I wish I could get a glimpse of and lock into my memory. That was the day grandpa’s cancer was gone, his eye sight returned, his youth was restored, and he was in the presence of God. Grandpa just couldn’t wait one more hour to get to heaven! Wonder. Awe. Grace. Complete Belief. March 7th was not an end, but a glorious beginning.

So Happy Birthday grandpa! Today is a day to celebrate your first birthday as your new self. I’m sure this first birthday trumps any birthday you had here on earth, even though we did our best to make them special for you.

Grandpa, I have a confession. Sometimes, living in this world, it is hard to believe that heaven really exists. Could an Almighty Creator God really have compassion on me and invite me into His presence for eternity? I asked myself this question today as I stared out my window into the gray, rainy sky. Then, I remembered the time I was flying to Boston this September over a rain storm. I was amazed because as the plane flew over dark rain clouds we were surrounded by brilliant sunshine. The scene was truly breathtaking. I found it fascinating that the people on the ground could not see the sun through the clouds, but I was squinting from its bright yellow light.

Well, today I’m on the ground and all I see are the gray clouds, but I know the sun is shining right above them. I have seen and felt the sun before, and I will see it and feel its warmth again soon. I have not entered into heaven, but I have known God’s presence here on earth, and He reassures me of His faithful promise to bring me into His Kingdom once my work here on earth is finished. I have hope knowing the other side of heaven is just beyond the gray clouds.

I miss you grandpa. Today my mind is busy remembering you and the legacy of love, generosity, humor, and story telling you left behind. I will see you again. Until that day, you will always be my little sugar lump.

Love,
Lindsey

A Renewed Mind: Choosing Gratitude

As you may know, I have recently been enlightened by a very familiar, but crucial group of verses regarding the renewing and transformation of the mind. You can read my thoughts a few blogs back if you wish. The conviction to change my mind’s thought patterns came from Romans 12. “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Of course as soon as I decide to focus in on this next phase of growth, I am tempted beyond belief to stay in the pit of my old ways. I feel like I am trapped inside of my own head and I am beginning to realize how much I really do need a mind transformation. The excitement of knowing God’s next step in my Spiritual development pushed out my old thought patterns for a moment, but they quickly reappeared when I came off the mountain top and realized this difficult road ahead.

It seems so strange to me that the very thought patterns I’m trying to get rid of are the barriers keeping me from going forward in this transformation. Example: I am the definition of a Negative Nancy or a Stressed-out Susan. (I made that Susan one up myself.) Whenever I am faced with a new challenge, I instantly tense up and think about every way I am unqualified to even try. I worry about the future, I worry about the present, I worry about what happened in the past, and I stress out that I worry too much. I doubt. I question. I over analyze. I decide something is too overwhelming before I even know the details. On top of it all, I am insecure.

Here I am, bombarded with opportunities to practice a more positive mindset and I am not doing it, or not doing it well. Maybe I feel guilty because having this many opportunities means I need to change A LOT. Maybe I’m still hanging onto an old companion named impatience. Sigh…I’m just typing unfiltered thoughts now.

I think I have a start to a solution. This solution will take much practice for me, but I would rather do that than be stuck in my old ways. I’m going to start by being thankful. I am thankful, but not intentionally thankful. I have a friend remind me of the power of gratitude today and right after that reminder, another friend emailed me this poem below. My mind then turned to Philippians 4:6 which says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” It seems to me that this verse is saying when we pray with a Spirit of gratitude, God’s peace will guard our minds from the ugly stronghold of anxiety. Another sigh. . . it is time I practice a little more gratitude to change this attitude!

Be Thankful For
Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don’t know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you’re tired and weary
Because it means you’ve made a difference.
It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.
GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessings.
~Author Unknown

A Story of Generosity

"A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed." Proverbs 11:25


Yesterday my friend drove 3 1/2 hours to Anderson, Indiana so he could be the volunteer speaker during a chapel service at The Christian Center (TCC). TCC is a homeless shelter for men and it is where I work. Each week volunteers host 2 chapel services for the residents of the center. The goals of the chapel services are to introduce or reintroduce Christ to men who find themselves fighting countless battles. Some men fight battles of addiction, others harbor bitterness and un-forgiveness from past abuse, while others battle guilt and self hatred from being the abuser.

I was floored that my friend would drive 3 1/2 hours one way to spend an hour talking with these men, just to turn back around the same night and drive 3 1/2 hours home. Talk about generous. It made me stop and wonder how I had been generous recently. Would I do what he did?

After the service, my friend told me that one of the residents insisted on giving him $10 for gas money as a thank you for traveling to speak with them. This particular resident does not have a job. In fact, he has been looking for one for a long time with no luck. Instead of holding onto the little cash he had, he gave it away. Talk about generous.

Today I found out that the resident who gave my friend $10 has been making a little bit of money from a small business in town. The owner of a local shop gives him $10 to shovel snow off of the sidewalks leading up to the front doors of the shop. A few days ago the business owner offered to give this man $20 if he shoveled an additional area. What do you think this man did? He invited another Christian Center resident to join him so they could split the money. Wow. Talk about generous.

How many times have I held back from giving something to someone just because I didn’t want to “run out” of whatever I’m afraid to give away? I’m even sometimes stingy with gum! I don’t want to give away my last piece because what if I need it?

I witness these stories, or I am the recipient of someone’s immense generosity and I am ashamed of myself. My friend sacrificed gas money, sleep, and time to extend hope and a listening ear. A man living in a homeless shelter gave his small day’s wages to my friend for gas money. The same jobless man gave another person the opportunity to make $10 when he could have made $20 for himself. Jesus Christ gave up His life, so that I may live to choose Him. Talk about generous.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:8-10"

I am humbled and thankful for God’s reminders to be generous through people. These stories I just told are perfect examples of why community is so essential to knowing Christ richly and deeply. Jesus’ love knows no socio-economic class, age, or gender. His love is waiting to be revealed to us through anyone who has been changed by His love. I recognized Christ’s love and generosity through a preacher and a homeless man, and in Christ’s love and generosity I can call them both friends. Praise God.

New Found Freedom

Hey friends! I am excited to share with you some news, so I’ll just get right into it! The Holy Spirit has been whispering truths into my mind. The truth I’m hearing is so different from the strongholds that have been dominating my thoughts. I can sense God saying that “it is time.” It is time for my mind to be FREE. “When anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 2 Corinthians 3:16-17

I don’t know why I am just now beginning to understand things I never understood before, but it is getting me pumped! Romans 12:1-2 says, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

I do not know where you stand in your relationship with Christ right now. You may be in wonder over God’s love, or you may wonder if His love really exists. All I can offer is my heart, so here it is. My entire life I have battled with the same detestable strongholds. They may wear different disguises, but the strongholds of fear, self doubt, shame, and guilt are often at the root of my decisions. Thankfully, God is chipping away the old and bringing the new. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 While I have dark moments of questioning, I choose to believe through the daily grind that God loves me, He has breathed purpose into me, and I will follow His Word.

Earlier I said I wasn’t sure exactly why I was just now willing to understand these new lessons, but I lied. =0) It is my firm belief that without daily disciplines (prayer, reading the Word, asking questions and discussing issues with Christian people, etc.), it will be difficult to hear the big lessons in life, and freedom from strongholds will be nearly impossible. The process of becoming new is just that, a process. It isn’t instant. I want God to just get rid of my addictive personality that is clothed in shame and guilt and extreme fear. I want Him to zap me of my insecurity. I get disappointed, angry, confused, and hurt when I pray and pray for Him to do things and they don’t happen. But like I said, it is a daily commitment to let go of control and let God do His transforming work. That is how we recognize His will. “. . . be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is. . .” This is hard work.

The process of having a renewed mind in Christ can be painful, but what I am learning is that when I embrace suffering and my own weakness, I am inviting Grace and Mercy into my life. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” 2 Corinthians 11:9. God longs for us to be FREE in the forgiveness of Jesus Christ and FREE in the teachings of the Holy Spirit. Will you choose to let Him set you free?

I’m not a scholarly theologian or a pastor. I don’t have all the answers. I am a mess in so many areas of my life and I have a long way to go on this journey of faith, but I do know that God is renewing my mind. I am experiencing FREEDOM like no other. It isn’t by my own doing. It is the result of an all powerful, awe-inspiring God.

I wasn’t going to share this because it is kind of a vulnerable thing, but I wrote a poem about my recent journey. I think it sums up what I’m trying to say. I pray that you begin to understand that you no longer have to allow strongholds to control your mind. As Beth Moore says, “Strongholds are only pretending to have more power over your mind than Christ. It simply isn’t true.”

Untitled

I sit alone in the silence
No one here to rescue me
No one here to rescue me from the thoughts in my head
Doubt, fear, and guilt fill me with dread

Oh God, where are you in the pain?
I can barely see through tears that sting
The silence is deafening
Then I hear you beckoning
Rescue me! Oh God rescue me!

So you stretch out your Mighty Hand
You’ve had enough
You’ve had enough of the thoughts in my head
Now its peace, grace, and love you being to thread

Oh God, please hold me in the pain
For I know you intend to kill the shame
Your glory is deafening
I can hear you beckoning
You’ve rescued me! Oh God you’ve rescued me!

May the storm of thoughts that lie and bind
Be torn away, get left behind
Cause you’re transforming my heart and renewing my mind
You’re transforming this heart, renewing this mind
I’m free! I am free!
Thank you God, I am finally free. . .


Songs that keep inspiring this new found freedom:

Beautiful Things, Gungor

Your Hands, JJ Heller
Where the Spirit of the Lord Is, Chris Tomlin

Snow Day Memories

Snow day! Wait . . . snow DAYS! My heart jumped with excitement as I got a text from my coworker saying three beautiful words, “Work is cancelled.” Oh the bliss of snow days. I remember in elementary school standing in front of the TV as the school closings scrolled slowly across the bottom of the screen. It was torture waiting to see if West Carrollton City Schools were closed since we were at the end of the very long alphabet. “T. . . U. . . V . . . W. . . West Carrollton!” My three siblings and I would scream with much joy, and go play in the snow. You know, as I am typing this I also remember the four of us longing for a fire place to get warm after a busy afternoon of building snowmen and snow forts. I guess you could call us desperate because I remember cramming ourselves together in the laundry room warming our hands around the Pilot light flame. I’m laughing so hard as I’m typing this. I’m sure the sight of four little kids shivering around a flame to stay warm was either very adorable, or very pathetic. I’m going to romanticize the memory and go with adorable. I hope as you read you are reaching back into your memories and smiling at the ridiculous things you did as a kid.

It is funny how things change when you get older. I mean, I still screamed with joy when I found out about my two snow days, but instead of going to play outside I celebrated by sleeping for another 5 hours. I guess that’s getting older for ya. I honestly think the only time I moved was to either go to the bathroom or get more junk food.

Question for all three of you who are reading this: Why is it that when a storm of any kind is about to hit, we find it completely necessary to stock up on chips and dip, cookies, pop, and other various junk foods? I don’t typically buy junk food but when I found out the “Iceocalypse” was going to hit, my friends Jess and Travis and I bought the grossest foods in the store so we wouldn’t “go hungry.” Again, I’m laughing.

I conclude this blog post by recommending the movie “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas.” I’m not sure if you put movies in quotations or if you underline it like a book. Forgive my poor grammar. Anyway, the movie is a heart-wrenching- sob-your-eyes-out-I want-justice-now-kind-of-movie. If you like that kind of emotional roller coaster, please rent it.

I suppose every blog post so far has described some sort of Spiritual impact in my life. I guess I just felt compelled to write about a few memories that could be classified as “significant nothings" instead, but I did experience Christ’s love in the midst of my junk food eating, not moving, movie watching snow days. I experienced His hospitality in my friends, Jess and Travis, who let me stay at their house because I was scared of being trapped in my house without power. I experienced His caring Spirit when friends and family called or texted to see if I was okay. I experienced His grace when I took some time to journal and pray. I’m actually still trying to sift through those thoughts, so another blog soon to come. All in all, I experienced Christ in the forced rest and I am grateful for His presence. Not every moment has to be profound to recognize His power and love. He is in our every day, and every moment.

Stay safe in the “storm of the century” everyone.

Love,

Lindsey

Is Walking for God Distracting us from Walking with Him?

In this season of life, I am grateful to say that I am surrounded by quality friends. Laura is one of them. She is an answer to prayer and I am blessed beyond measure to call her friend. This Sunday we sat huddled together under comforters in her living room discussing God. Sometimes the thought of “discussing God” just makes me laugh because I know by the end of the conversation He, God, will still be a glorious mystery in so many ways.

During this discussion I told Laura I have been praying that the Holy Spirit will guide my thoughts and discussions when it comes to uncovering God and faith. (This was largely inspired by Laura herself!) It is so easy to interpret the Word of God in ways that make us “comfortable” or “conviction free,” but it is my belief that when we read God’s Word, most of the time it should rock our world. We ought to be challenged by the Truth we read and apply it to our daily lives. We must let it sharpen our faith and we must have the guts to practice what we read and hear. “Do not merely listen to the Word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the Word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.” James 1:22-24

Since I’ve prayed this prayer, I have been challenged with an incredible thought. “I have done my best to walk for the Lord, but have I been walking with the Lord?” I am starting to believe this is a subtle confusion The Enemy uses to trip us up, especially me. The temptation to serve Jesus before, or in substitute of, loving Him is very real indeed. It is a temptation that creeps up so slowly that it can easily grow deep roots around the hearts and minds of Christians. Another way I’ve heard it is “the greatest competitor to loving Jesus is serving Him.” The danger with this confusion is that we start to believe that we can or must earn our salvation through acts of service alone. Maybe I’m being presumptuous by assuming everyone is like me, but I bet some of you reading identify with this more than you would care to admit.

My goal from this blog is to help us begin to check our hearts. To learn that serving Jesus doesn’t necessarily mean loving Him well is a hard pill for me to swallow, but God is clear in His Word when He says He is more concerned about matters of the heart than anything else. “The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 Jesus looks at the motivations of our hearts.

Are we serving as a response to our love for Jesus, or are we serving to earn our love from Him? Are we serving to prove something to ourselves? I’m not asking these questions to accuse. I’m simply writing out the questions I’ve been asking to myself these past few days. I have done my best to walk for the Lord, but have I been walking with the Lord?

Laura and I mulled over these questions there on the floor of her apartment and we agreed that it is best to serve out of our fullness in Jesus and out of our love for Him. We do not want to fall into the temptation that serving will relieve us of our guilt from past decisions, or give us an extra dose of grace. Works alone get us nowhere fast. We do not earn grace and we cannot earn grace. How can you earn something that is freely given? That, my friends, is a lesson that I need to learn in a deeper way.

I want to clarify that I think serving others is an incredible gift God has given us. He loves us enough to give us the gift of joy and satisfaction from helping others. We must not believe the subtle lie that serving will make God loves us more or that it will guarentee us a "spot in heaven." Serving must come from an understanding that we are loved beyond measure simply because we are God’s children. I challenge each of us to slow down, focus in on our personal relationship with Christ, and then serve as a response to Love. Walking with God is the only way to walk for Him.

God Reveals Himself to You Personally

I was emailing a friend and he told me he is reading a book that has to do with God revealing Himself to mankind and how we see the results of His incredible work in our lives. I began to ponder ways that God has revealed Himself to me personally and I remembered this story from my sophomore year of college.

I was at Warner Camp in Michigan and it was my first full summer away from home. I took a job at Warner as a counselor and I didn't know anyone on staff. I guess you could say it was a defining moment for me, because I get nervous to meet new people in unfamiliar places. So...there I was at this camp, far from home, and the director made the staff shovel goose poop off of the lake front to get ready for the first week of campers. You can imagine just how grossed out I was! Well, there were not enough regular shovels so I got stuck with a pale and shovel that a child would use to collect sand or shells at the beach. Seriously...

As I shoveled poop with a child's toy feeling pretty homesick, I asked God in my heart why He had led me to this place. "God, I don't know anyone yet, I'm home sick, and I'm shoveling goose poop. Please be with me. Please just let me know somehow that I made the right decision by coming here. Please just show me you love me."

Well, as soon as my heart finished the prayer, a big yellow butterfly landed right next to me. She just sat there and slowly opened up her wings as if to show off her beauty. Then she carefully walked onto my shovel. I sat there for a long time admiring the way her wings shimmered in the sun. Then it was as if my heart and mind realized all at once that God loved me and was with me. He sent the butterfly to remind me of that. She flew away and with her, so did my worries.

That summer was one of the best summers of my life so far. It was the summer that I felt God calling me to a life of service, and it was the summer I decided to change my major to Social Work. Now every time I see a yellow butterfly I remember God's promise to love me and be with me wherever I go.

I don't know if I have my eye out for them now or if God knows how much I need reassuring, but it seems that every time I am about to make a big decision or am worried about something, I will see a yellow butterfly. Even when I worked in the heart of a big city where there were no butterflies, I would see them whenever I felt anxious. For example, one day I was feeling so overwhelmed by the struggle I saw in the city. It was breaking my heart and I was feeling so small. I needed reassurance that God was with me. I prayed that I would see a yellow butterfly and when I looked up and out the van window, there, painted on the side of a building was a HUGE mural of a yellow butterfly. Not kidding. You probably guessed the next series of events...I gasped, pointed, screamed, cried, and treasured it up. The passengers in the van didn't know what I was so excited about and looked at me a little funny, but it wasn't for them. It was for me. And that is why I'm so in love with this God who reveals Himself to mankind. I firmly believe that He reveals Himself personally to us. How incredible that the Creator God of the Universe and all that is in it, wants to reveal Himself to me in a way that is special to my heart. It is the same for you. How is He revealing Himself to you? Let us remember to pray that our eyes, ears, and hearts will be open to His Voice.

Lessons Learned and Dreams Inspired by a Great Book

I am reading this book Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard, and I have been challenged by it in many ways. I didn’t think it was going to be a book I liked. The title alone seems a bit boring, and nothing about the cover convinced me otherwise. Even so, I sat and listened as my sister, Erin, read the first chapter aloud one morning to my mom and me during breakfast. What caught my attention was that the main character’s name was Much Afraid. That was actually her name. Much Afraid lived in the Valley of Humiliation where she enjoyed working in the service of the Great Shepherd. However, her name described her well and she found herself bound by the misery of her Fearing relatives. Aunt Dismal Forebodings, Gloomy, Spiteful, Pride, Self Pity, Bitterness, Resentment, and her greatest enemy, Craven Fear to name a few. Poor Much Afraid didn’t have much of a chance with a bunch of family members like that! Needless to say, after the third page I was hooked on this book.

Summary: Much Afraid has had it with the unbearable torture her relatives bring her each day, but almost dies of utter dread when she discovers she is to marry Craven Fear himself! She begs the Shepherd to keep her from her horrible fate and promises she will do anything He asks in order to escape. With much delight, He plants the thorn shaped seed of love in her heart. This is where her journey begins.

The book describes the journey of how Much Afraid receives a new name from the Shepherd and a promise to climb out of the Valley of Humiliation and develop the feet of a hind, or a deer, so she can easily jump and leap up the mountains. However, she cannot develop hind’s feet before she goes on a long journey with her two companions, Sorrow and Suffering. You see, the journey will be difficult for Much Afraid because she is, in fact, crippled by her fear. She has twisted feet which make it hard to walk let alone climb a mountain, and ugly facial deformities which make her feel unworthy to even think about traveling to the High Places. But despite her fear, she believes in the great Shepherd. She believes He is trustworthy and powerful and full of grace. She believes that He can make her feet like hinds feet to enable her to leap and skip up and down the mountains with ease and grace.

Much Afraid clings to Sorrow and Suffering, the companions the Shepherd himself picked out for her, and begins to rely on their strength to get her safely through the Shores of Loneliness, the Desert, the ascent up the Precipice Injury, the Forests of Danger and Tribulation, the Mist, and the Valley of Loss. You will have to read the book yourself to see what happens in the journey of Much Afraid and to learn what name the Shepherd gives her.

As I read this book, I couldn’t help but wish our lives, my life, was a literal journey. I know we are all on a literal journey, and that journey is called life, (yeah yeah, blah blah…I know) but wouldn’t it be awesome if we were born for the purpose of climbing out of an actual valley in order to receive the promises of a Shepherd we could see, touch, and have face to face conversation? In this story, Much Afraid simply has to call on the Shepherd and He will be standing next to her in an instant ready to confront her enemies and physically wipe off her tears. She can actually look into His eyes and see the compassion and power flowing from His gaze. Oh man how I long for this to be a reality!

Don’t get me wrong and think Much Afraid had it easy. She can visibly see the Shepherd, but this means she can also see Pride, Self Pity, Bitterness, Fear, an all her other relatives standing directly before her. They physically and verbally attack her and try dragging her away from the promises planted deep in her heart by the Voice of Truth, the Shepherd.

I know this story is a beautiful interpretation of the real deal. We might not be able to feel God wiping away our tears, but there have been moments where His compassion has stilled my sobs and I know that He is with me. He is my very present help in trouble. Still, this book makes me dream of the face of Jesus that much more. How glorious it will be when I finally can see His face and look into His fierce and lovely eyes.

I imagine the day I will hear Him call me by my New Name. This is perhaps, the most exciting part of all to me! The book says that Much Afraid learns after the long journey that the Shepherd never regarded her as such, but had always loved her as if she already was New. That, my friends, is love in its purest form.

“I will write upon her a new name, the name of her God. The Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.” Psalm 84:11

“I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name . . . since you have kept my command to endure patiently, I will also keep you from the hour of trial that is going to come upon the whole world to test those who live on the earth. . . I will write on him the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on him my new name. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.” Revelation 3:8, 10, & 12-13

A Full Closet and a Full Heart

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:25-26

Yes. We are valuable to God. When I read Jesus’ words above, a thought sunk deep in my mind. Are we not to worry about where our next meal will come from or what we will wear because our Heavenly Father gives us the responsibility to take care of one another’s needs? Think about this with me. God loves us. Jesus says that we are more valuable than even His other creations. I believe that because He loves us, He has given us the unique opportunity to know true love and joy by taking care of one another in His Name. It goes even further. He guides us down a path that rids us of our selfish desires, even though that is painful, and clothes us with strength and dignity. (Proverbs 31:25) God longs to shed us of wailing and self-hatred, and clothe us with joy! (Psalm 30:11) Yes. We are valuable, and I believe when we really know that then we cannot help but serve others. Jesus transforms us into a new creation and the joy of helping others bursts forth from our hearts like a geyser.
I was talking with a young girl from my neighborhood a few months ago and we began talking about clothing. She complimented me on my shirt and I told her I purchased it at a Thrift Store. Her face scrunched up and she said with contempt, “I don’t like shopping at Thrift Stores. It reminds me that I am poor. Are you poor?” This conversation bothered me. How heartbreaking that this young teen has felt the sting of poverty and experiences what seemed like shame when shopping for necessities like clothing. How strange that she was living in need while I was living in abundance and we live in the same neighborhood. “Do not worry about what you will wear…is not life more than clothes?” Life is more than clothes, but try telling that to a female teenager who lives in poverty and has already begun to build up thick walls to protect herself from life. This isn’t really about clothes at all, but about people being more valuable than appearances.

The Question: How do we bust down those walls?

That was the question that haunted my thoughts for months. Finally, an opportunity and an idea collided together. Let me explain. I have recently been blessed with a beautiful condo I rent. (Another amazing story in itself) In this condo I have an extra room with a huge spare closet. An empty closet.

The Idea: What would it be like if the closet was FULL of clothes, purses, shoes, hats, etc? The girls in my neighborhood could come to a safe place to “shop.” They could pick out quality clothing with friends and older females they trusted, and they wouldn’t feel shame. They wouldn’t feel like a charity case. They would feel FUN! They would feel loved.

The Opportunity: I have the best friends in the world. Yes, in the world. Please be our friend too. =0) My friend Kristin, who works with the girls everyday through an after school program, turned to me one Sunday and said, “Lindsey, I think our small group needs to have another girls night with the girls in the neighborhood.”

Ah! YES, my thoughts exactly! Small group usually meets on Thursday, so without a plan I told Kristin that we should do something our small group night that week, and we should have it at my house. She happily agreed and I went home giddy. My mind began to whirl thinking of how I could make this thing actually happen in 4 short days. I immediately went to my closet and picked out clothes that I thought the girls would like. I hung them up in my spare empty closet and stepped back. The sight was embarrassing. There were 5 shirts hanging their staring back at me lonely and depressed. Questions started flooding my mind. How will we have enough clothes for 8 girls? These girls are ages from 5-16 and are all shapes and sizes, so how are we going to make sure they all have clothing options?

The next day I went to work and explained the vision to my coworkers. They loved the idea and being the amazing people they are, began threatening their daughters and nieces to give up some of their clothing. =0) One of my coworkers, Shayne, even called her mother who works at a local hospital where I live. Within 24 hours I had an email from the Missions Director at the hospital asking me where she could drop off her 8 boxes of clothing donations. Excuse me? Did she say 8 boxes? She dropped them off to me at work and apologized that she could only fit the 8 boxes in her car and she will bring the other 6 boxes tomorrow. Ha ha! But that isn’t all! My coworkers brought in bags of jewelry, clothing, shoes, and lotions. Local families caught wind and brought purses and bathing suits, hats, and even jewelry boxes. My friends Jess and Audrey came over to help me sort through all of the goods. We had clothing from kids sizes to XXL. My closet was so full that we couldn’t fit all of the donations in it. My closet was SO FULL that I still, a week later, have 4 boxes of clothes in my car!

The room looked just like a store. We had a jewelry corner, scarves were hanging near the sun glasses on my window frame, purses lined the walls, clothing was busting out of the closet, and each girl even got a gift basket filled with shower gel, lotions, etc. I gazed upon the room amazed that the vision I had months before was sitting in front of me. Praise God! My closet was full. My heart was full.

My friends and I were gathered at my house and Kristin arrived with the 8 girls. They all barreled in bringing laughter with them. We had a blast. After the girls ate snacks and played games, we explained to them that they were no longer in my house, but in a mall and they were about to go on a shopping spree. Long story short, screams filled the air and each girl left with at least 5 new outfits everything from headbands to new shoes and everything in between. We even had a dressing room so the girls could try on the clothing and model it for everyone.
One girl said this was the “funnest night I ever had!” Another girl said, “I look beautiful!” This was wonderful to hear because she has a very low self esteem. She was beaming and she was beautiful!! We had the opportunity to tell her she has always been beautiful and speak affirmation into her young life. Another girl pulled me aside at the end of the night and said, “I know everyone said thank you, but really Lindsey, thank you so much.” She is the youngest child in her family, but is left to take care of her older sister who has special needs.

The girl who I had the conversation with about Thrift Stores was there. I was able to help her pick out clothes and even teach her how to pair things and dress more appropriately. I prayed that God would use this night to confirm in her heart that she is loved and cared for, and much more valuable than the birds of the air or the stylish new clothes on her back. She left that night smiling and I believe she left trusting my friends and me a little more. Check…1 stone out of the wall blocking her heart is gone.

I write this story not to glorify “the idea” or the people with the idea. No. This is much more than a fun night. This is much more than a group of friends being good people and coming together to help those in need. This night represents something much deeper than us. This is the Great Commission. How humbling that God loves us enough to share the joy of giving. It is so important that we notice the people around us. We may not have the resources to feed an entire neighborhood or clothe an entire city, but we have a God that will give us ideas when we pray for them. We have a God who will open opportunities if we have eyes to see. And we have a community full of people willing to give if we ask.

Thanks be to God who is the giver of all good things. May you be enriched by His love today and bubble over with joy from a full heart.