Trading Intolerable Sin for Relentless Love

I recently wrote a letter to my sister, Carly, explaining the hurt I felt from my own sin. I was allowing what I had done to eat away at my spirit and I became crippled by thoughts of self doubt and self pity. This is what she wrote back to me:

“I hope God uses this pain to grow in you even more. I know you will find what you’re seeking after. Don't feel defeated because of things you experienced in the past, even the unbearable things. Allow yourself to be forgiven. TRUST ME, there is so much I need to be forgiven for in my past and present! If I chose to live in the weight of all the sins I’ve committed, I would be a nervous wreck! However, God provides me with another option, even the second I’ve committed sin, and that option is to live in the freedom of forgiveness. We all have that option. To either live under the weight of our sin or under the weight of His mercy. Don't let yourself dwell on your regrets- it's pointless. Move on! Forgive yourself because God's already forgiven you!”

Carly said it well when she said, “We can either live under the weight of our sin or under the weight of His mercy.” She is choosing to trade her intolerable sin for God’s relentless love. Thanks for the reminder Carly. It empowers me to do the same.


Yes, God’s love is relentless; meaning, God’s love is unshakable. His love will not leave. He refuses to let go of us because He loves us so much.

Romans 8:1-2 tells us that “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”

We are SET FREE! Set free by the bonds of God’s love. God does not chain us to Him. He does not lay down rules and laws to keep us down. He frees us with His love.

Have you ever felt like I did? Have you ever felt consumed by self doubt and self pity from sin in your life? Trade it in. The price has already been paid through the blood of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. Trade in the sin for His love.

Be Strong and Courageous

What a week! I'm not partial to change. Transformation is another story. So...if all the change that is happening will aid in the positive transformation of my heart then bring it on! I just read a quote today that says, "Do not be discouraged when it seems like the more you learn, the less you know." Can I get an amen?! I'm learning each day that I don't know half the things I thought I did. "Do not be discouraged," the quote says. It is easy to fall into despair. I have had dark moments of discouragement this week, but thank God that they have been drowned in the HOPE that comes with the light of Jesus Christ. He is a comforting God. He is a God who provides. I have been encouraged by His word this morning and want to share it with you all.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

God spoke these truths into Joshua’s life after the death of Moses. Can you imagine Joshua’s fear? The leader he had in Moses was no longer with him. Plus, he was appointed to step up and lead the people into the land God promised! Talk about responsibility! Talk about stress! (If I was Joshua, I would have what I like to call a full blown melt down by that point.) But what does God repeat again and again? “Be strong and courageous. Be strong and courageous. Be strong and courageous.”
I am so thankful that He is my strength and my courage. Do not be discouraged. He is with us wherever we go. He is Emanuel. Allow His truth to soak into your minds and hearts today. He is faithful. FOREVER faithful.

Laughing in Hard Times

God has a sense of humor, that is for sure. The past few years of my life He has led me down some crazy paths that just don't make sense from an outsiders perspective. Actually...they don't make sense from my perspective either! Let me explain...I never thought in a million years that God would call me to work at a men's homeless shelter. NEVER. Never in a million years! You get that?! NEVER!!!!! And the hilarity of it all hit me today while driving in my car. I was leaving to take a much needed lunch break and I just started cracking up laughing. This could be a sign of craziness, but I like to call it joy in the midst of tribulation.
This week has been extremely difficult due to layoffs at work. Four out of eleven employees were let go last Friday. It is safe to say times are hard, uncertain, painful, scarey...you get the idea. The Christian Center is struggling and the team that is left to try and pick up the pieces is exhausted. That team includes me. I've been running all over the place today dealing with situations I never thought I would have the courage and/or the strength to handle. For example, today while I was covering the front desk for a fellow employee's lunch break, I heard tons of commotion outside on the side walk. I went to see what was happening and there were two ladies verbally smacking each other around for the whole world to hear. While I stood their gawking that them, a man coming in for clothing vouchers walked up and began cussing at the ladies for making a scene in front of a christian organization. (Thanks, buddy. That is really helpful!) Then, some residents began walking out of the dining hall after lunch and began standing around the women. It would have been a classic high school scene if only someone would have yelled fight while people swarmed like bees to see what was happening. I thought to myself, "Holy cow! It is about time I start giving some tough love. Active immediately !"
"Hey you," talking to the guy needing vouchers, "you think cussing these ladies out is helping? If you would like me to help you, you need to come inside these doors and watch your mouth. We don't speak like that around here. And everyone who is a resident, either go back into the dining hall and finish eating or go to your assigned stations. You and I both know you don't need to be getting mixed up with fighting women."
Some of the residents chuckled at the comment, realized I was right in more ways than one, and walked to their stations actually thanking me for the direction. The guy needing vouchers apologized for using fowl language and I helped him get the things he needed after I called the police and to have the ladies removed from property.
So you are probably thinking why this is funny and why I was cracking up in my car? I was laughing because God's desire is to show the world His glory is so evident. What better way to do that than by putting a light-weight, insecure, people pleasing, scared to be assertive and and scared to say "no" girl into an environment full of broken people. Broken people can make some pretty stupid decissions, and broken people require guidance from secure, assertive, loving individuals. I know this because I've been broken and have made plenty of studpid decissions as a result. We all have in one way or another and that is the plain truth.
How funny it is that God has appointed me, at this time, in this place, even in my own brokenness to set people straight. "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
We all need compassion and comfort and I am humbled to be able to give that daily here at The Christian Center. We all need direction and a little tough love too. I have no choice but to offer that just as freely if I'm serious about loving.
It is so easy to give credit to Him when we know our own limitations and we can see Him work through it anyway. He is my wisdom. He is my strength. He is my authority. He is my courage. Thank you God for your provision and for choosing the unlikeliest of people to do your work. It is amazing, and at times it just makes me laugh.

He Told Me Not to Worry

Hey friends,
I pray these words will encourage you today.

I woke up with worry and stress covering my mind like a big heavy quilt. I came to work with a permanent look of distress plastered on my forehead and I began making my “to do” list wondering, “how will I have the strength to do these things today?” Then, on the radio I heard a soft melody play accompanied with these words:

You’re calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place
Worthy, Worthy

I open up my heart and let my spirit worship Yours
I open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, Worthy

Of a childlike faith, and of my honest praise
And of my unashamed love
Of a Holy life, and of my sacrifice
And of my unashamed love
You’re calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place
Worthy, Worthy

With eyes closed, I felt my worry slowly melting away. The look of distress turned to peace. And then I listened to it 5 more times.  It was like I couldn’t soak up the words enough! And each time I listened the words became more real and my heart no longer felt like someone had a grip on it. I took a deep breath, let out a long sigh, and smiled. You should look this song up if you don’t know it. It is titled “Unashamed Love.” It is sung by Jason Morant.
I hope and pray that God takes hold of your mind and heart today. Don’t let worry win. He is in control.

"...but seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be give to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself..." Matthew 6: 33-34

Bearing the Cross

"...and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 10:38-39

I was recently enlightened on what it means to "take up your cross." I never fully grasped what Jesus meant by bearing the cross. When I was younger I thought "taking up your cross" meant to carry your burdens with a good attitude. I suppose that is an interpretation that works in the "sort of" category, but I know it goes so much deeper.
I was sitting around a camp fire with a group of close friends and we read together from a devotional that explained "our cross," metaphorically speaking, is our flesh. Meaning, sin is the cross we bear. Therefore, I'm slowly coming to the understanding that taking up my cross means to bring glory to God by following Jesus Christ even in the midst of adversity, brokenness, confusion, and devastation. It makes sense because adversity, brokenness, etc. is the result of sin whether it be my own personal sin, the sin of the world, or a twisted combination of both.
So...what is the trick to carrying a cross? Oh, my favorite word (just kidding) submission.
So I asked myself, "What is it that I need to submit to Christ in order to bear my cross?" Like the second part of the verse says, I want to lose my life so I can find it. (That isn't confusing at all, right?!)
I came to the conclusion that (drum role please) I need to submit my selfishness to Christ before I can pick up anything and follow Him. Talk about a punch in the gut.

Submission kills the disease of selfishness and allows us to completely abandon ourselves to God. The tricky thing about selfishness, at least in my case, is that it disguises itself as victimization or humility. I've placed myself in these "humble" positions only to find that my heart had been facing a mirror instead of a window. All I could see was myself. This was me:

"Disregard the well being of others, what about ME?!"

I have known of my selfish tendencies for a long time, and God has truly been working in my heart. It hurts at first but I feel so FREE at the same moment. FREEDOM...ahh...what a sweet sweet word.
So...I'm thankful for the insight on what it means to bear the cross. It makes things a little more clear for me.

My Spirit Can't Be Crushed

Holy cow...this year has been a doozie. I've been reflecting on the past year and I feel like I've experienced a whole-lot-0-stress in this short 365 day period. It seems more like 3,650,000 days. I've experienced great change through graduating college, beginning an intense new job, family getting married, sickness taking over my body and mind, tension in relationships, the end of what I thought would be a "forever" relationship, and the death of my precious grandpa to mention a few. I'm surprised I am not out of tears.
In the midst of all the sickness, despair, death, and change I have been crying out to God and asking Him to make me more into His likeness. More of You and less of me, God. I've also been crying out in confusion. "God, when will it end? Why do I feel like the world is out to crush my spirit? I want to put my trust in you but it is hard, and I want to replace this burning anger with joy. I'm not sure I've known a moment without fear in so long."
Nights have been the worst. It is when I'm lying alone in my bed that lies from the Great Deceiver begin invading my thoughts.

LIES:

"You will always be alone."
"Why would anyone want to be with you when you don't even know who you are. You can't let people in until you get a grip."
"Just stop trying. You have nothing important to say. You are stupid and too much of a burden for anyone to care."
"You aren't really making a difference at The Christian Center. You are lazy and they deserve to have someone better in your position."
"Everyone you love will either leave you or die. Close your heart because you aren't strong enough to take that kind of pain again."

There have been many nights where my tears became like a blanket covering my body. As much as I wanted to surrender and believe those lies, I could feel this tug of war within my mind. I could sense God saying to me, "Enough. I know who you are. You are my Child. You are not alone. I've been with you this entire time and I'm sick of the Deceiver tricking you into these lies. Linds, it is going to hurt getting you away from His grip, but it is time. I have plans for you and nothing can be done when those lies are staining your thoughts. I am love and love is the opposite of fear. Trust me with your heart. I want you to sleep well my little girl."

How He loves me. How He loves us. I've realized this year that the tug of war over my life didn't begin last April. The war began long before I took my first breath. Letting go of insecurity and lies and sin has been more painful than the sickness. There are times when this Spiritual transformation seems like the death of me. And it is the death of me. It is the death of me and the start of new life in Christ. He has been my hope, my prayer, my next breath…He is my everything and I can say with all my heart that I don’t know what I would do without His love. The only reason I’m not eating tons of junk food while watching Ever After over and over again to escape into someone else’s love story is because I am living in my own story. He is the author of life and I will choose, even in the midst of the chaos, for Him to take the pen from my hands and write something beautiful. These verses below have been my strength. I hope you draw strength from them like I have this year. God loves you. I might not know the exact situation(s) you are going through, but I can tell you that HE LOVES YOU.

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. . . Therefore WE DO NOT LOSE HEART. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-12 & 16-18

The Question

Have you ever questioned God’s promise through Jesus? Maybe you don’t question that Jesus was the Messiah and that He died on the cross and rose again, but maybe you have a hard time believing how personal Jesus’ death and resurrection is in your life. I recently talked with a friend who had a lot of questions. And when I say a lot of questions I mean it. Most nine year olds do.

I volunteer with a children’s program at my church on Wednesday’s when I get the chance. I have known this little girl, Jordan, for four years now and let me tell you she is one honest person! Her honesty is paired with an attitude that screams, “Shoot girl, I know I’m a diva okay, so step aside.” =0) Usually, this combination proves to be difficult, but last week my conversation with her left me praising God.

My friend Kristin asked me to talk with the kindergarten and 1st graders about journaling, what it means to me, and how it can be a way we communicate with God. Jordan, even though she is in 4th grade, decided to join us. I began to explain when we write in our journals we can ask/tell God anything in our hearts and He will hear us. Their goal was to write their thoughts about an Easter video we had just watched. It was about the disciples waiting for Jesus to rise from the dead. It was a great video that depicted the worry, sorrow, and tension that must have gone on in those three days of waiting.

As we sat there in a tight little circle, each of us writing away in our separate thoughts, Jordan asked me a question that left me speechless.

THE QUESTION:

Jordan: “Miss Lindsey, I get the whole Jesus had to die thing, but why would God allow Him to die in such a painful way? That seems so mean to me and I just don’t get this at all.”

My thoughts: “Oh. My. Goodness. Holy Spirit be my words.”

What do I say to that?! She just looked at me with her dark brown eyes searching for the answer on my face. Unfortunately for her all she saw was my mouth hanging open saying, “Umm…well…I…here’s the thing…umm.” Brilliant, I know.

Me: “Can I ask you a question, Jordan? Have you ever done something you know you shouldn’t do, but you do it anyway?”

Jordan: “Yeah. I shop lift all the time. I know it is wrong, but my friend taught me how to do it and I’ve done it with her a lot lately. I feel guilty each time though.”
(Remember that attitude I mentioned earlier…)

Me: “Well, Jesus died on the cross to pay for all the times we do something wrong. For example, every time you shop lift, and every time I judge somebody. That is why Jesus died the way He did because He loves us so much He took our place when we were deserving of the punishment. He loves you so much, Jordan. He doesn’t want you to do those things.”

Jordan: “Okay…I get it a little more I guess. I’m still confused but okay. Can I write God questions in my journal because I have a lot of them for Him.”

Me: “Yes! You can write Him as many questions as you would like. My journal is full of questions. The great thing is that when we write them down we can remember what we asked and when Jesus answers our questions we will remember to thank Him.”

Jordan: “Okay, wait a second. (Insert sassiness here) When Jesus answers our questions? What are you talkin’ about? How does He do that? Girl, we can’t hear Him, He is dead!”

Me: “Girl, what did you say?!” (Insert sassiness again) He is not dead at all! He is very much alive! He is alive in you and me. Did you fall asleep on the second half of that video we just watched? Jesus came back alive after three days! Can you believe it?! And yes, He went back in to heaven, but He gave us a gift called the Holy Spirit before He went away. The Holy Spirit lives in your heart if you ask and in mine too.”

Jordan: Oh, my goodness…okay…so how does He answer our questions? Through the Holy Spirit? And how do you hear the Holy Spirit?” (she said this as she let out a big sigh and brought her hand to her forehead in confusion.)

Me: “Yes you are right, He answers us through the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit lives in your heart if you invite Him in. That little guilty feeling after shop lifting is a nudging from the Spirit. God can answer your questions through friends who have the Holy Spirit in them and through reading Scripture, through a song, and in nature. He is everywhere. That is why it is important to keep our hearts, minds, ears, and eyes open.”

Jordan: “In nature? Jesus speaks to you that way? How?”

Me: “Have you ever been stressed out because your friend doesn’t like you anymore or you hate school because you just don’t get what the teacher is telling you, but then you go outside and you see a flower or feel the sun on your face? How do you feel?”

Jordan: “Yeah I like going outside when bad stuff happens. I feel peaceful.”

Me: “Have you ever thought that the peaceful feeling is God calming you down because He loves you?”

Jordan: “Oh…(sounding more hopeful) okay, that makes sense.”

Me: “I know it can all be confusing Jordan. Keep praying and asking questions. Keep searching and remember, God wants to talk with you and He will do it in a lot of different ways. He might not answer the way you want to hear, or in your timing, but He will answer because He loves you.”

Wow. But the story gets better. Miss Kristin called us back into a big group to read the closing scripture for the evening. As she began to read, Jordan whipped her head around to look at me; eyes wide with excitement and a tone in her voice to match that beautiful expression she exclaimed, “MISS KRISTIN HAS THE HOLY SPIRIT IN HER!” The verse:

“For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that He was buried, that He was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures.” 1 Corinthians 15:3-4

“Miss Lindsey, God just answered my question through Miss Kristin! That is why Jesus had to die for me the way He did! He died for my sins! I get it! Girl, you ain’t lyin’ when you tell me stuff like this!”

Hahaha!!! God is so good isn’t He? May we all learn to be honest like Jordan and ask questions. We can even throw in a little attitude. Just ask Jordan.