What's Next?

I recently asked a friend how he ends up with so many great opportunities to travel and do ministry. It seems like this guy is constantly doing something great and I admit that I am a bit envious. He told me that he just stays in one place, focuses on relationships through friendship, remains faithful to God, and opportunities follow. I laughed and told him that I’m always bouncing around trying to find the next opportunity myself. His words, "stay in one place" makes me a little nervous, but he has a great point.

I was talking with another friend and she assured me that the age of 23 is both the best and most emotionally exhausting of one's life. This is the age where I am discovering who I am and who I want to become after college. Yikes...no pressure. Well if these next few years are the most emotionally exhausting years of my life, then I might as well make the most of it and publically exclaim, "WHAT'S NEXT!!!!??" (Of course this exclaimation is paried with a dramatic sigh) In all seriousness, it is stressful!

Please do not think that I am not grateful for the experiences I have had post college thus far. I am constantly thanking God for the lessons learned and experiences lived over this last year and a half, but I still feel restlessness within. I think it is time for me to refocus on God, but not through another "great opportunity." I must refocus on God by refocusing on relationships. I don’t know if this makes sense.

Example: I feel the need to chase after God by taking risks through jobs and experiences. I put myself in uncomfortable situations so I can be stretched and molded. It is my attempt to try and seek and understand God. But I think sometimes that the ministry seeking and risk taking gets in the way of me knowing Him. Oh the irony of ministry keeping me from getting to know God. Let me rephrase this statement. It isn’t ministry itself keeping me from knowing God. It is the attitude in which I have approached ministry. That my friends, is another blog post in itself. I’m longing for the renewing of my mind, and I am in desperate need of refreshment for my Spirit.

All of this to say that I think it might be time for me to just relax for a bit and allow God to lead instead of me pushing to find out "what's next." It scares me to sit and wait because I don’t want to be complacent. To me, the word "relax" implies being lazy. I don't want people to perceive me as being lazy or "without direction." Can anyone say "insecure?" God help me...I'm pretty sure this is what growing up feels like, and even though I am grateful to be in a constant state of learning, I can't help but sing, "I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys-R-Us kid." =0)