A Full Closet and a Full Heart

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:25-26

Yes. We are valuable to God. When I read Jesus’ words above, a thought sunk deep in my mind. Are we not to worry about where our next meal will come from or what we will wear because our Heavenly Father gives us the responsibility to take care of one another’s needs? Think about this with me. God loves us. Jesus says that we are more valuable than even His other creations. I believe that because He loves us, He has given us the unique opportunity to know true love and joy by taking care of one another in His Name. It goes even further. He guides us down a path that rids us of our selfish desires, even though that is painful, and clothes us with strength and dignity. (Proverbs 31:25) God longs to shed us of wailing and self-hatred, and clothe us with joy! (Psalm 30:11) Yes. We are valuable, and I believe when we really know that then we cannot help but serve others. Jesus transforms us into a new creation and the joy of helping others bursts forth from our hearts like a geyser.
I was talking with a young girl from my neighborhood a few months ago and we began talking about clothing. She complimented me on my shirt and I told her I purchased it at a Thrift Store. Her face scrunched up and she said with contempt, “I don’t like shopping at Thrift Stores. It reminds me that I am poor. Are you poor?” This conversation bothered me. How heartbreaking that this young teen has felt the sting of poverty and experiences what seemed like shame when shopping for necessities like clothing. How strange that she was living in need while I was living in abundance and we live in the same neighborhood. “Do not worry about what you will wear…is not life more than clothes?” Life is more than clothes, but try telling that to a female teenager who lives in poverty and has already begun to build up thick walls to protect herself from life. This isn’t really about clothes at all, but about people being more valuable than appearances.

The Question: How do we bust down those walls?

That was the question that haunted my thoughts for months. Finally, an opportunity and an idea collided together. Let me explain. I have recently been blessed with a beautiful condo I rent. (Another amazing story in itself) In this condo I have an extra room with a huge spare closet. An empty closet.

The Idea: What would it be like if the closet was FULL of clothes, purses, shoes, hats, etc? The girls in my neighborhood could come to a safe place to “shop.” They could pick out quality clothing with friends and older females they trusted, and they wouldn’t feel shame. They wouldn’t feel like a charity case. They would feel FUN! They would feel loved.

The Opportunity: I have the best friends in the world. Yes, in the world. Please be our friend too. =0) My friend Kristin, who works with the girls everyday through an after school program, turned to me one Sunday and said, “Lindsey, I think our small group needs to have another girls night with the girls in the neighborhood.”

Ah! YES, my thoughts exactly! Small group usually meets on Thursday, so without a plan I told Kristin that we should do something our small group night that week, and we should have it at my house. She happily agreed and I went home giddy. My mind began to whirl thinking of how I could make this thing actually happen in 4 short days. I immediately went to my closet and picked out clothes that I thought the girls would like. I hung them up in my spare empty closet and stepped back. The sight was embarrassing. There were 5 shirts hanging their staring back at me lonely and depressed. Questions started flooding my mind. How will we have enough clothes for 8 girls? These girls are ages from 5-16 and are all shapes and sizes, so how are we going to make sure they all have clothing options?

The next day I went to work and explained the vision to my coworkers. They loved the idea and being the amazing people they are, began threatening their daughters and nieces to give up some of their clothing. =0) One of my coworkers, Shayne, even called her mother who works at a local hospital where I live. Within 24 hours I had an email from the Missions Director at the hospital asking me where she could drop off her 8 boxes of clothing donations. Excuse me? Did she say 8 boxes? She dropped them off to me at work and apologized that she could only fit the 8 boxes in her car and she will bring the other 6 boxes tomorrow. Ha ha! But that isn’t all! My coworkers brought in bags of jewelry, clothing, shoes, and lotions. Local families caught wind and brought purses and bathing suits, hats, and even jewelry boxes. My friends Jess and Audrey came over to help me sort through all of the goods. We had clothing from kids sizes to XXL. My closet was so full that we couldn’t fit all of the donations in it. My closet was SO FULL that I still, a week later, have 4 boxes of clothes in my car!

The room looked just like a store. We had a jewelry corner, scarves were hanging near the sun glasses on my window frame, purses lined the walls, clothing was busting out of the closet, and each girl even got a gift basket filled with shower gel, lotions, etc. I gazed upon the room amazed that the vision I had months before was sitting in front of me. Praise God! My closet was full. My heart was full.

My friends and I were gathered at my house and Kristin arrived with the 8 girls. They all barreled in bringing laughter with them. We had a blast. After the girls ate snacks and played games, we explained to them that they were no longer in my house, but in a mall and they were about to go on a shopping spree. Long story short, screams filled the air and each girl left with at least 5 new outfits everything from headbands to new shoes and everything in between. We even had a dressing room so the girls could try on the clothing and model it for everyone.
One girl said this was the “funnest night I ever had!” Another girl said, “I look beautiful!” This was wonderful to hear because she has a very low self esteem. She was beaming and she was beautiful!! We had the opportunity to tell her she has always been beautiful and speak affirmation into her young life. Another girl pulled me aside at the end of the night and said, “I know everyone said thank you, but really Lindsey, thank you so much.” She is the youngest child in her family, but is left to take care of her older sister who has special needs.

The girl who I had the conversation with about Thrift Stores was there. I was able to help her pick out clothes and even teach her how to pair things and dress more appropriately. I prayed that God would use this night to confirm in her heart that she is loved and cared for, and much more valuable than the birds of the air or the stylish new clothes on her back. She left that night smiling and I believe she left trusting my friends and me a little more. Check…1 stone out of the wall blocking her heart is gone.

I write this story not to glorify “the idea” or the people with the idea. No. This is much more than a fun night. This is much more than a group of friends being good people and coming together to help those in need. This night represents something much deeper than us. This is the Great Commission. How humbling that God loves us enough to share the joy of giving. It is so important that we notice the people around us. We may not have the resources to feed an entire neighborhood or clothe an entire city, but we have a God that will give us ideas when we pray for them. We have a God who will open opportunities if we have eyes to see. And we have a community full of people willing to give if we ask.

Thanks be to God who is the giver of all good things. May you be enriched by His love today and bubble over with joy from a full heart.

Squirrels, Prayers, and Blessings

I have had an eye infection for the past week and a half. It is red, swollen, and it hurts very badly. As a result I have to wear my glasses (which is annoying because I'm not used to them) and I cannot wear eye make-up. Please do not assume I’m a diva and have to wear make-up to feel confident; however, it is interesting when potential donors to TCC think a 15 year old is telling them where to put their money. I knock about 8 years off of my age when I go all natural. But perhaps the most frustrating part is that I have no idea what is causing the swelling and it hasn’t improved a bit. Grrr!

I was sitting in bed this morning and realized that I hadn’t once prayed for my eye’s healing. I have had this eye infection for over a week and I never thought to pray? I apologized for my lack of faith and began praying that God would heal my eye. I went on with my morning as usual and made my way to work through the ice and snow. As I stood in the office hallway with a co-worker talking about the plight of poverty (what else) one of our residents came through with a HUGE smile on his face. We exchanged our good mornings and he walked on by. Then, he turned around and said, “Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m doing so well?” Of course, after that I asked him immediately. This is what he said:

“It is so beautiful outside with all the snow, so yesterday I decided to go down to the park for my afternoon smoke break. As I stood their smokin’ my cigarette, I saw a tiny little squirrel on the path. He climbed up a tree right next to me and started eating something he found on the path. I remembered the Scripture where God said that He takes care of all creatures. He’s givin’ them something to eat and makin’ their fur grow in the winter so they can stay warm. I prayed right there and said, ‘God please don’t forget to take care of me too.’ Well, an hour later my mom came to the center with a note. The note said to call this man back because he wanted to offer me the job! God is so good isn’t He? I just love that blessing.”

He turned around and walked away still wearing that great big smile. I stood there in silence, my heart treasuring up the story I had just heard. What a beautiful reminder of living a life of faith through prayer. He recognized God's provision through the life of a squirrel and sent up a prayer of faith! I’m sure your own heart has cried that same plea. “Please God, don’t forget me.” He hasn’t forgotten you. He will never forget you. I urge all of us to remember to pray and communicate with the God who loves us. He is waiting to extend us a blessing. He is waiting to heal us. I’m so grateful for the reminder to pray and listen today.



“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life…look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6: 25-26 & 33

My Christmas Thought

I'm sitting alone in my house having just eaten dinner. I am full and cozy and wrapped in a big blanket admiring my glittering Christmas tree. For a moment my mind is still, but then two thoughts entered my stillness. One is that I really should get a mug of hot chocolate, and my second thought drifts to the word "Emmanuel" or "God with us." Two very similar thoughts, I know.

I will get hot chocolate later because I am in complete and utter awe at this simple yet mind blowing reality. I suppose the Christmas season has provoked this thought, but Christmas season or not, the idea of God being with us makes my heart beat faster. When I really stop and think about it, I can't help but feel as if I'm falling in love. Oh how God loves us. He loves us enough to take human form and experience human joy and human pain. He chose to humble Himself with the sole purpose to relate to each and every emotion we will face in this lifetime.

And for this moment, I have a heavy peace within me. This peace comes from knowing that I am never alone. Loneliness is a bitter companion for me, and I'm sure for you too. But loneliness is melting and being replaced with wonder. Loneliness buries wonder, but peace stirs it up. My amazement with God's mysteries is being awakened. I breathe in and out. I breathe in God and breathe out God. I breathe in love and I breathe out love. And this is all possible because Jesus Christ, my Emmanuel, has chosen me. He lives in me. HE LIVES IN YOU. haha!! What a glorious impossible! My joy is bubbling over!! Joy to the world, the Lord has come; let earth receive her King!

Spirit reveal yourself in me and in us. Let us be your hope to the world this Christmas and forever. Your light has broken the darkness and has set us free from loneliness and emptiness. Such a gift is too inspiring and life giving to keep on the inside. I pray we have the courage to accept our gift and share it with the world.

...now to enjoy some hot chocolate. =0)

What's Next?

I recently asked a friend how he ends up with so many great opportunities to travel and do ministry. It seems like this guy is constantly doing something great and I admit that I am a bit envious. He told me that he just stays in one place, focuses on relationships through friendship, remains faithful to God, and opportunities follow. I laughed and told him that I’m always bouncing around trying to find the next opportunity myself. His words, "stay in one place" makes me a little nervous, but he has a great point.

I was talking with another friend and she assured me that the age of 23 is both the best and most emotionally exhausting of one's life. This is the age where I am discovering who I am and who I want to become after college. Yikes...no pressure. Well if these next few years are the most emotionally exhausting years of my life, then I might as well make the most of it and publically exclaim, "WHAT'S NEXT!!!!??" (Of course this exclaimation is paried with a dramatic sigh) In all seriousness, it is stressful!

Please do not think that I am not grateful for the experiences I have had post college thus far. I am constantly thanking God for the lessons learned and experiences lived over this last year and a half, but I still feel restlessness within. I think it is time for me to refocus on God, but not through another "great opportunity." I must refocus on God by refocusing on relationships. I don’t know if this makes sense.

Example: I feel the need to chase after God by taking risks through jobs and experiences. I put myself in uncomfortable situations so I can be stretched and molded. It is my attempt to try and seek and understand God. But I think sometimes that the ministry seeking and risk taking gets in the way of me knowing Him. Oh the irony of ministry keeping me from getting to know God. Let me rephrase this statement. It isn’t ministry itself keeping me from knowing God. It is the attitude in which I have approached ministry. That my friends, is another blog post in itself. I’m longing for the renewing of my mind, and I am in desperate need of refreshment for my Spirit.

All of this to say that I think it might be time for me to just relax for a bit and allow God to lead instead of me pushing to find out "what's next." It scares me to sit and wait because I don’t want to be complacent. To me, the word "relax" implies being lazy. I don't want people to perceive me as being lazy or "without direction." Can anyone say "insecure?" God help me...I'm pretty sure this is what growing up feels like, and even though I am grateful to be in a constant state of learning, I can't help but sing, "I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys-R-Us kid." =0)

Confession

I have a confession to make. I feel obligated to know the answers to every question regarding faith in God. I have been convinced that I must always be steady and strong. I have often times been the counselor, the "go to" girl, the one that prays for and with friends. So, what happens when the "go to" girl crumbles? What happens when she questions? What happens when she doesn't have the strength to believe on her own? What happens when she realizes it isn't possible for her to always be steady?

I feel this self spoken pressure to question carefully, or to never EVER ask a question that makes me seem like I doubt God's faithfulness. If I openly say that I don't understand something, or question God through tears of pain and bitterness, then I am not being a good witness for Him. Typing this out makes me feel a little foolish, and prideful. But if I have to be honest with myself and others to grow, then this is it.

I have been praying that God would show me His grace. I have been praying that I would begin to experience grace and know it fully. I don't want to simply read and accept. I want to know grace so much that it becomes a part of my life story.

A word of caution. If you pray to know grace, be prepared to feel miserable. I have been facing some pretty ugly realities. My heart has been broken into pieces over the deceit, manipulation, and anger I've seen in my tiny world view. My belief that humanity is innately good has been ripped out of me. The trust I used to put in people has been replaced with hesitation. I've looked inside of myself and noticed my own decay. Hopelessness. "How is this grace, God?!" I screamed this out to Him one day driving home from work in my car. As I cried I began to feel God's comfort wash over me and I calmed down in His presence. Nothing huge happened there in the car, at least nothing I could define. What happened was that God comforted me. I didn't get an answer to my brokenness, but God met me where I sat.

I'm beginning to remember God's promise through Jesus Christ. That promise is forgiveness. That promise is hope. I cling to that truth and it literally brings me to my knees. I'm brought to my knees because God loves us so much that while all of this horrible stuff in the world (and in our hearts) happens, God still meets us where we sit. He became human to know us. And friends, now we can know grace. Grace is Jesus. “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” Hebrews 12:2

How can God love a world that hates Him? How can He love a world that doesn't even know that it hates Him? We are so unaware of God's presence that we don't even know we are denying an Awesome Creator God. That is enough to break anyone's heart once they know God in an honest and real way.

God, is slowly restoring my heart. He is picking up the pieces and whispering new truths into my life. "So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view...therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:16 & 17 He is mending my heart with grace. So when it is finally put back together it might look a little messy. Some of the pieces might be unevenly put together and the edges may no longer be smooth, but grace will be running through the entire thing like glue. Grace will be what holds my heart together and what gives me fresh eyes to look upon this world. Grace is restoring my hope.

I am going to question. I'm going to be confused. I'm going to get angry and I'm going to cry, but in the midst of it all I'm going to be held by Grace. My prayer is that each day I will understand Christ more and more, and flourish in that freedom. Questioning, mistakes, and all!!

Lessons Learned While Fasting

Lately, I've wished I could stop time long enough to make a few critical decisions so I don't feel the pressure of deadlines. I'm trying to decide what is next in life. Is it grad school? Is it continuing to be in the work force? Is it traveling? I don't know! I wonder about future relationships and I wonder about future ministry. What does God have for me?

I decided that because I had some major decisions coming up and because time isn't going to stop and wait for me to make those decisions, I would fast from food. I've never fasted before. It never appealed to me. I had friends that did it growing up in youth group and throughput college, but I like food way too much. =0) I always found an excuse not to do it. But for some strange reason this past Sunday I felt convicted to fast all day Monday. I wasn't sure why I was having that particular conviction on that particular day, but I figured if I was being convicted then I better do it.

My purpose for abstaining from food was to offer God an act of faithfulness. I wanted to show Him that I'm serious about following His will and not my own. With that said, each time I felt my stomach growl or wanted to eat, I would pray instead. I would thank God for His provision and for His goodness. I would pray specifically for the decisions in which I have to make soon and I would pray for guidance and wisdom. Well...I started my fast at 9pm Sunday night and by 10am Monday morning I was hungry and grumpy. Why was I doing this again?! I had thoughts like, "Well, maybe I can fast until dinner and then I can just thank God for His blessing of food the entire time I eat. That would work right?" Yeah that would work, if my purpose of fasting had anything to do with food. The point was not to avoid food. The point was to give up something I needed, so that it would remind me to focus on God. haha It is funny how temptation tricks us into forgetting our original convictions.

I prayed through my grumpiness and I prayed for wisdom. But you know what? At the end of the day I didn't feel enlightened. I didn't have the answers to my questions. I felt hungry, tired, and...that's it. So what was the point? I came to one conclusion...

Obedience.

Sometimes we have convictions and we don't know why, but it is important to obey those convictions anyway. I knew that fasting was a Biblical practice and that it could only drive me closer to God's love, so I obeyed. What I learned through this experience is that obeying God may not "make sense" to me at the time. But maybe it will make sense to me later. Obeying God through one conviction may not seem to reap any fruit, but a lifetime of obedience results in a heart full of joy, love, and faithfulness. We may not know why God is calling us to do something or take a risk. But I encourage each of us follow Him and I bet we will be amazed.

"As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, He saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 'Come follow me,' Jesus said, 'and I will make you fishers of men.' At once they left their nets and followed Him." Matthew 4:18-20


Peter and Andrew left their nets at once and followed Jesus. AT ONCE. They followed their convictions and look where it led them. Andrew witnessed the greatest miracle of all time which is the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ! Peter was entrusted to lay the foundation of the church! Andrew and Peter knew what their futures held without Jesus. They were fishermen. They had no idea what their futures held with Jesus. Their lives were packed with adventure. One act of obedience changed the course of Andrew and Peter's lives, and a lifetime of obedience filled them with unimaginable purpose and passion.

What is that conviction in your life? I encourage you to obey and see how God reveals Himself to you.

And by the way, I will probably fast again someday, but you better believe I will feel a strong conviction before I do! And I can honestly say that I hope it isn't anytime soon!! haha

Olam Haba

In my last blog I talked about the Hebrew words, "Olam Haba." This is translated as "a world to come." I also mentioned in my last blog that I want to live a life with the expectancy of "Olam Haba." Now, I hope none of you look at this and think I am even stranger than you thought. ;0) Let me explain what I mean.

I want to live as though heaven is coming down to earth. I believe that is how Jesus taught us to live through His example. I want to be so observant of the Holy Spirit at work that I sense when I am living and breathing in a heaven moment. Follow me with this thought...you know those moments where everything seems right? I'm talking about a deeper "right" than when you get an A+ on a test, discover a gas gift card in your wallet, and get asked out by the cute guy at church all on the same day. What I'm talking about is living in a moment where the world seems to stop, and you feel as though you are experiencing a sneak peak of what heaven will be like. Okay, I'm better with stories.

So as many of you know, I worked and lived in Philadelphia two summers ago as a City Host with a ministry called Center for Student Missions. Youth groups would come from all over the country to experience a week of life and service in the heart of urban America, West Philly. My job was to introduce students and their leaders to city life in regards to everything from ethnic restaurants to homeless ministry. One weekend I was feeling exhausted from the previous week's activities. Yes, I was physically exhausted, but I was emotionally and mentally exhausted as well. To my relief, sitting on my bed was a package from my mom. I opened it up and included with some goodies were the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns which is "Great is Thy Faithfulness." I soaked in the words and placed them on my nightstand. That weekend I read them probably a million times and asked God to reveal His faithfulness to me in the weeks ahead.

Sunday came and another youth group arrived at our front door. They were a great group of students and I was having a blast with them! I was pumped when I saw that our schedule was taking us to St. John's homeless shelter that week because it was my favorite place to serve in the city. We arrived at the shelter and the Volunteer Coordinator gave us very specific instructions on how to serve the noon meal. You see, this place fed over 300 people in 1 hour, and they only had 60 seats in their dining room. People would line up, get food, eat, and leave all in a matter of minutes. That day the men were impatient. Two men got in a fight and the tension was high. You might be thinking, "How is this an Olam Haba moment?" Well, one of the staff members reached over to the youth pastor and asked him if he knew any songs on the piano. The staff person thought that live music might lighten the mood. The youth pastor timidly sat at the old piano in the corner of the dining room and said that he only knew one song, but he would play it. Soon I heard a soft familiar melody. He was playing "Great is Thy Faithfulness." Coincidence? I think not!

To my surprise, one of the men who was eating stopped, got up, and walked over to the piano. He gently put his hand on the youth pastor's shoulder and began to belt out the lyrics to the song. Some people looked up from their trays and cranked their necks to see who was singing. Then, two or three of the youth stopped what they were doing and hurried over to the piano to join. I was standing on the other side of the dining room with forks in my hand gazing on at the sight, my mouth hanging open in amazement. I began to hear voices around me hum along to the song and a few men in line even began to sing. I took a step back and looked around. Each time I had been to St. John's it was always fast paced. No one stopped to look at one another, let alone sing!

Soon, the entire place was echoing with the sound of voices. Each person was singing and if they didn't know the words they were intently listening. Some were kneeling, some were standing, others were sitting, but all were worshiping. The sound of praise grew louder and louder and tears were running down many faces. At least two dozen men and youth were gathered around this tiny, old piano with hands on each other's shoulders and singing as one body of believers. The world just stopped. Everyone was focused on a single thing...worshiping God. Before me I saw short men, tall men, white, black, and Hispanic men. I saw transvestites and men in wheel chairs and suburban students standing next to urban thugs. Two words...

Olam Haba.

Heaven had come to earth and I was standing in the midst of it. As the song played over and over my heart swelled with an unexplainable joy. I was no longer in a room filled with tension. No one was casting judgment or blame. I wasn't concerned with matters of time. For a moment I didn't see differences, but saw unity. There was unity in a crowd of very diverse people. So beyond cool.

The song faded and stillness came over the room. Then, as quickly as it came, the moment passed and the fast paced environment picked up once more. But I couldn't shake that moment. I didn't want to shake it. I wanted to live in it forever.

I want to be so observant of the Holy Spirit at work that I sense when I am living and breathing in a heaven moment. I want to live a life with the expectancy of "Olam Haba."


Great is Thy Faithfulness. Listen and be encouraged.