I recently asked a friend how he ends up with so many great opportunities to travel and do ministry. It seems like this guy is constantly doing something great and I admit that I am a bit envious. He told me that he just stays in one place, focuses on relationships through friendship, remains faithful to God, and opportunities follow. I laughed and told him that I’m always bouncing around trying to find the next opportunity myself. His words, "stay in one place" makes me a little nervous, but he has a great point.
I was talking with another friend and she assured me that the age of 23 is both the best and most emotionally exhausting of one's life. This is the age where I am discovering who I am and who I want to become after college. Yikes...no pressure. Well if these next few years are the most emotionally exhausting years of my life, then I might as well make the most of it and publically exclaim, "WHAT'S NEXT!!!!??" (Of course this exclaimation is paried with a dramatic sigh) In all seriousness, it is stressful!
Please do not think that I am not grateful for the experiences I have had post college thus far. I am constantly thanking God for the lessons learned and experiences lived over this last year and a half, but I still feel restlessness within. I think it is time for me to refocus on God, but not through another "great opportunity." I must refocus on God by refocusing on relationships. I don’t know if this makes sense.
Example: I feel the need to chase after God by taking risks through jobs and experiences. I put myself in uncomfortable situations so I can be stretched and molded. It is my attempt to try and seek and understand God. But I think sometimes that the ministry seeking and risk taking gets in the way of me knowing Him. Oh the irony of ministry keeping me from getting to know God. Let me rephrase this statement. It isn’t ministry itself keeping me from knowing God. It is the attitude in which I have approached ministry. That my friends, is another blog post in itself. I’m longing for the renewing of my mind, and I am in desperate need of refreshment for my Spirit.
All of this to say that I think it might be time for me to just relax for a bit and allow God to lead instead of me pushing to find out "what's next." It scares me to sit and wait because I don’t want to be complacent. To me, the word "relax" implies being lazy. I don't want people to perceive me as being lazy or "without direction." Can anyone say "insecure?" God help me...I'm pretty sure this is what growing up feels like, and even though I am grateful to be in a constant state of learning, I can't help but sing, "I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys-R-Us kid." =0)
Friday, November 19, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Confession
I have a confession to make. I feel obligated to know the answers to every question regarding faith in God. I have been convinced that I must always be steady and strong. I have often times been the counselor, the "go to" girl, the one that prays for and with friends. So, what happens when the "go to" girl crumbles? What happens when she questions? What happens when she doesn't have the strength to believe on her own? What happens when she realizes it isn't possible for her to always be steady?
I feel this self spoken pressure to question carefully, or to never EVER ask a question that makes me seem like I doubt God's faithfulness. If I openly say that I don't understand something, or question God through tears of pain and bitterness, then I am not being a good witness for Him. Typing this out makes me feel a little foolish, and prideful. But if I have to be honest with myself and others to grow, then this is it.
I have been praying that God would show me His grace. I have been praying that I would begin to experience grace and know it fully. I don't want to simply read and accept. I want to know grace so much that it becomes a part of my life story.
A word of caution. If you pray to know grace, be prepared to feel miserable. I have been facing some pretty ugly realities. My heart has been broken into pieces over the deceit, manipulation, and anger I've seen in my tiny world view. My belief that humanity is innately good has been ripped out of me. The trust I used to put in people has been replaced with hesitation. I've looked inside of myself and noticed my own decay. Hopelessness. "How is this grace, God?!" I screamed this out to Him one day driving home from work in my car. As I cried I began to feel God's comfort wash over me and I calmed down in His presence. Nothing huge happened there in the car, at least nothing I could define. What happened was that God comforted me. I didn't get an answer to my brokenness, but God met me where I sat.
I'm beginning to remember God's promise through Jesus Christ. That promise is forgiveness. That promise is hope. I cling to that truth and it literally brings me to my knees. I'm brought to my knees because God loves us so much that while all of this horrible stuff in the world (and in our hearts) happens, God still meets us where we sit. He became human to know us. And friends, now we can know grace. Grace is Jesus. “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” Hebrews 12:2
How can God love a world that hates Him? How can He love a world that doesn't even know that it hates Him? We are so unaware of God's presence that we don't even know we are denying an Awesome Creator God. That is enough to break anyone's heart once they know God in an honest and real way.
God, is slowly restoring my heart. He is picking up the pieces and whispering new truths into my life. "So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view...therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:16 & 17 He is mending my heart with grace. So when it is finally put back together it might look a little messy. Some of the pieces might be unevenly put together and the edges may no longer be smooth, but grace will be running through the entire thing like glue. Grace will be what holds my heart together and what gives me fresh eyes to look upon this world. Grace is restoring my hope.
I am going to question. I'm going to be confused. I'm going to get angry and I'm going to cry, but in the midst of it all I'm going to be held by Grace. My prayer is that each day I will understand Christ more and more, and flourish in that freedom. Questioning, mistakes, and all!!
I feel this self spoken pressure to question carefully, or to never EVER ask a question that makes me seem like I doubt God's faithfulness. If I openly say that I don't understand something, or question God through tears of pain and bitterness, then I am not being a good witness for Him. Typing this out makes me feel a little foolish, and prideful. But if I have to be honest with myself and others to grow, then this is it.
I have been praying that God would show me His grace. I have been praying that I would begin to experience grace and know it fully. I don't want to simply read and accept. I want to know grace so much that it becomes a part of my life story.
A word of caution. If you pray to know grace, be prepared to feel miserable. I have been facing some pretty ugly realities. My heart has been broken into pieces over the deceit, manipulation, and anger I've seen in my tiny world view. My belief that humanity is innately good has been ripped out of me. The trust I used to put in people has been replaced with hesitation. I've looked inside of myself and noticed my own decay. Hopelessness. "How is this grace, God?!" I screamed this out to Him one day driving home from work in my car. As I cried I began to feel God's comfort wash over me and I calmed down in His presence. Nothing huge happened there in the car, at least nothing I could define. What happened was that God comforted me. I didn't get an answer to my brokenness, but God met me where I sat.
I'm beginning to remember God's promise through Jesus Christ. That promise is forgiveness. That promise is hope. I cling to that truth and it literally brings me to my knees. I'm brought to my knees because God loves us so much that while all of this horrible stuff in the world (and in our hearts) happens, God still meets us where we sit. He became human to know us. And friends, now we can know grace. Grace is Jesus. “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” Hebrews 12:2
How can God love a world that hates Him? How can He love a world that doesn't even know that it hates Him? We are so unaware of God's presence that we don't even know we are denying an Awesome Creator God. That is enough to break anyone's heart once they know God in an honest and real way.
God, is slowly restoring my heart. He is picking up the pieces and whispering new truths into my life. "So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view...therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:16 & 17 He is mending my heart with grace. So when it is finally put back together it might look a little messy. Some of the pieces might be unevenly put together and the edges may no longer be smooth, but grace will be running through the entire thing like glue. Grace will be what holds my heart together and what gives me fresh eyes to look upon this world. Grace is restoring my hope.
I am going to question. I'm going to be confused. I'm going to get angry and I'm going to cry, but in the midst of it all I'm going to be held by Grace. My prayer is that each day I will understand Christ more and more, and flourish in that freedom. Questioning, mistakes, and all!!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Lessons Learned While Fasting
Lately, I've wished I could stop time long enough to make a few critical decisions so I don't feel the pressure of deadlines. I'm trying to decide what is next in life. Is it grad school? Is it continuing to be in the work force? Is it traveling? I don't know! I wonder about future relationships and I wonder about future ministry. What does God have for me?
I decided that because I had some major decisions coming up and because time isn't going to stop and wait for me to make those decisions, I would fast from food. I've never fasted before. It never appealed to me. I had friends that did it growing up in youth group and throughput college, but I like food way too much. =0) I always found an excuse not to do it. But for some strange reason this past Sunday I felt convicted to fast all day Monday. I wasn't sure why I was having that particular conviction on that particular day, but I figured if I was being convicted then I better do it.
My purpose for abstaining from food was to offer God an act of faithfulness. I wanted to show Him that I'm serious about following His will and not my own. With that said, each time I felt my stomach growl or wanted to eat, I would pray instead. I would thank God for His provision and for His goodness. I would pray specifically for the decisions in which I have to make soon and I would pray for guidance and wisdom. Well...I started my fast at 9pm Sunday night and by 10am Monday morning I was hungry and grumpy. Why was I doing this again?! I had thoughts like, "Well, maybe I can fast until dinner and then I can just thank God for His blessing of food the entire time I eat. That would work right?" Yeah that would work, if my purpose of fasting had anything to do with food. The point was not to avoid food. The point was to give up something I needed, so that it would remind me to focus on God. haha It is funny how temptation tricks us into forgetting our original convictions.
I prayed through my grumpiness and I prayed for wisdom. But you know what? At the end of the day I didn't feel enlightened. I didn't have the answers to my questions. I felt hungry, tired, and...that's it. So what was the point? I came to one conclusion...
Obedience.
Sometimes we have convictions and we don't know why, but it is important to obey those convictions anyway. I knew that fasting was a Biblical practice and that it could only drive me closer to God's love, so I obeyed. What I learned through this experience is that obeying God may not "make sense" to me at the time. But maybe it will make sense to me later. Obeying God through one conviction may not seem to reap any fruit, but a lifetime of obedience results in a heart full of joy, love, and faithfulness. We may not know why God is calling us to do something or take a risk. But I encourage each of us follow Him and I bet we will be amazed.
"As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, He saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 'Come follow me,' Jesus said, 'and I will make you fishers of men.' At once they left their nets and followed Him." Matthew 4:18-20
Peter and Andrew left their nets at once and followed Jesus. AT ONCE. They followed their convictions and look where it led them. Andrew witnessed the greatest miracle of all time which is the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ! Peter was entrusted to lay the foundation of the church! Andrew and Peter knew what their futures held without Jesus. They were fishermen. They had no idea what their futures held with Jesus. Their lives were packed with adventure. One act of obedience changed the course of Andrew and Peter's lives, and a lifetime of obedience filled them with unimaginable purpose and passion.
What is that conviction in your life? I encourage you to obey and see how God reveals Himself to you.
And by the way, I will probably fast again someday, but you better believe I will feel a strong conviction before I do! And I can honestly say that I hope it isn't anytime soon!! haha
I decided that because I had some major decisions coming up and because time isn't going to stop and wait for me to make those decisions, I would fast from food. I've never fasted before. It never appealed to me. I had friends that did it growing up in youth group and throughput college, but I like food way too much. =0) I always found an excuse not to do it. But for some strange reason this past Sunday I felt convicted to fast all day Monday. I wasn't sure why I was having that particular conviction on that particular day, but I figured if I was being convicted then I better do it.
My purpose for abstaining from food was to offer God an act of faithfulness. I wanted to show Him that I'm serious about following His will and not my own. With that said, each time I felt my stomach growl or wanted to eat, I would pray instead. I would thank God for His provision and for His goodness. I would pray specifically for the decisions in which I have to make soon and I would pray for guidance and wisdom. Well...I started my fast at 9pm Sunday night and by 10am Monday morning I was hungry and grumpy. Why was I doing this again?! I had thoughts like, "Well, maybe I can fast until dinner and then I can just thank God for His blessing of food the entire time I eat. That would work right?" Yeah that would work, if my purpose of fasting had anything to do with food. The point was not to avoid food. The point was to give up something I needed, so that it would remind me to focus on God. haha It is funny how temptation tricks us into forgetting our original convictions.
I prayed through my grumpiness and I prayed for wisdom. But you know what? At the end of the day I didn't feel enlightened. I didn't have the answers to my questions. I felt hungry, tired, and...that's it. So what was the point? I came to one conclusion...
Obedience.
Sometimes we have convictions and we don't know why, but it is important to obey those convictions anyway. I knew that fasting was a Biblical practice and that it could only drive me closer to God's love, so I obeyed. What I learned through this experience is that obeying God may not "make sense" to me at the time. But maybe it will make sense to me later. Obeying God through one conviction may not seem to reap any fruit, but a lifetime of obedience results in a heart full of joy, love, and faithfulness. We may not know why God is calling us to do something or take a risk. But I encourage each of us follow Him and I bet we will be amazed.
"As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, He saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 'Come follow me,' Jesus said, 'and I will make you fishers of men.' At once they left their nets and followed Him." Matthew 4:18-20
Peter and Andrew left their nets at once and followed Jesus. AT ONCE. They followed their convictions and look where it led them. Andrew witnessed the greatest miracle of all time which is the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ! Peter was entrusted to lay the foundation of the church! Andrew and Peter knew what their futures held without Jesus. They were fishermen. They had no idea what their futures held with Jesus. Their lives were packed with adventure. One act of obedience changed the course of Andrew and Peter's lives, and a lifetime of obedience filled them with unimaginable purpose and passion.
What is that conviction in your life? I encourage you to obey and see how God reveals Himself to you.
And by the way, I will probably fast again someday, but you better believe I will feel a strong conviction before I do! And I can honestly say that I hope it isn't anytime soon!! haha
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Olam Haba
In my last blog I talked about the Hebrew words, "Olam Haba." This is translated as "a world to come." I also mentioned in my last blog that I want to live a life with the expectancy of "Olam Haba." Now, I hope none of you look at this and think I am even stranger than you thought. ;0) Let me explain what I mean.
I want to live as though heaven is coming down to earth. I believe that is how Jesus taught us to live through His example. I want to be so observant of the Holy Spirit at work that I sense when I am living and breathing in a heaven moment. Follow me with this thought...you know those moments where everything seems right? I'm talking about a deeper "right" than when you get an A+ on a test, discover a gas gift card in your wallet, and get asked out by the cute guy at church all on the same day. What I'm talking about is living in a moment where the world seems to stop, and you feel as though you are experiencing a sneak peak of what heaven will be like. Okay, I'm better with stories.
So as many of you know, I worked and lived in Philadelphia two summers ago as a City Host with a ministry called Center for Student Missions. Youth groups would come from all over the country to experience a week of life and service in the heart of urban America, West Philly. My job was to introduce students and their leaders to city life in regards to everything from ethnic restaurants to homeless ministry. One weekend I was feeling exhausted from the previous week's activities. Yes, I was physically exhausted, but I was emotionally and mentally exhausted as well. To my relief, sitting on my bed was a package from my mom. I opened it up and included with some goodies were the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns which is "Great is Thy Faithfulness." I soaked in the words and placed them on my nightstand. That weekend I read them probably a million times and asked God to reveal His faithfulness to me in the weeks ahead.
Sunday came and another youth group arrived at our front door. They were a great group of students and I was having a blast with them! I was pumped when I saw that our schedule was taking us to St. John's homeless shelter that week because it was my favorite place to serve in the city. We arrived at the shelter and the Volunteer Coordinator gave us very specific instructions on how to serve the noon meal. You see, this place fed over 300 people in 1 hour, and they only had 60 seats in their dining room. People would line up, get food, eat, and leave all in a matter of minutes. That day the men were impatient. Two men got in a fight and the tension was high. You might be thinking, "How is this an Olam Haba moment?" Well, one of the staff members reached over to the youth pastor and asked him if he knew any songs on the piano. The staff person thought that live music might lighten the mood. The youth pastor timidly sat at the old piano in the corner of the dining room and said that he only knew one song, but he would play it. Soon I heard a soft familiar melody. He was playing "Great is Thy Faithfulness." Coincidence? I think not!
To my surprise, one of the men who was eating stopped, got up, and walked over to the piano. He gently put his hand on the youth pastor's shoulder and began to belt out the lyrics to the song. Some people looked up from their trays and cranked their necks to see who was singing. Then, two or three of the youth stopped what they were doing and hurried over to the piano to join. I was standing on the other side of the dining room with forks in my hand gazing on at the sight, my mouth hanging open in amazement. I began to hear voices around me hum along to the song and a few men in line even began to sing. I took a step back and looked around. Each time I had been to St. John's it was always fast paced. No one stopped to look at one another, let alone sing!
Soon, the entire place was echoing with the sound of voices. Each person was singing and if they didn't know the words they were intently listening. Some were kneeling, some were standing, others were sitting, but all were worshiping. The sound of praise grew louder and louder and tears were running down many faces. At least two dozen men and youth were gathered around this tiny, old piano with hands on each other's shoulders and singing as one body of believers. The world just stopped. Everyone was focused on a single thing...worshiping God. Before me I saw short men, tall men, white, black, and Hispanic men. I saw transvestites and men in wheel chairs and suburban students standing next to urban thugs. Two words...
Olam Haba.
Heaven had come to earth and I was standing in the midst of it. As the song played over and over my heart swelled with an unexplainable joy. I was no longer in a room filled with tension. No one was casting judgment or blame. I wasn't concerned with matters of time. For a moment I didn't see differences, but saw unity. There was unity in a crowd of very diverse people. So beyond cool.
The song faded and stillness came over the room. Then, as quickly as it came, the moment passed and the fast paced environment picked up once more. But I couldn't shake that moment. I didn't want to shake it. I wanted to live in it forever.
I want to be so observant of the Holy Spirit at work that I sense when I am living and breathing in a heaven moment. I want to live a life with the expectancy of "Olam Haba."
Great is Thy Faithfulness. Listen and be encouraged.
I want to live as though heaven is coming down to earth. I believe that is how Jesus taught us to live through His example. I want to be so observant of the Holy Spirit at work that I sense when I am living and breathing in a heaven moment. Follow me with this thought...you know those moments where everything seems right? I'm talking about a deeper "right" than when you get an A+ on a test, discover a gas gift card in your wallet, and get asked out by the cute guy at church all on the same day. What I'm talking about is living in a moment where the world seems to stop, and you feel as though you are experiencing a sneak peak of what heaven will be like. Okay, I'm better with stories.
So as many of you know, I worked and lived in Philadelphia two summers ago as a City Host with a ministry called Center for Student Missions. Youth groups would come from all over the country to experience a week of life and service in the heart of urban America, West Philly. My job was to introduce students and their leaders to city life in regards to everything from ethnic restaurants to homeless ministry. One weekend I was feeling exhausted from the previous week's activities. Yes, I was physically exhausted, but I was emotionally and mentally exhausted as well. To my relief, sitting on my bed was a package from my mom. I opened it up and included with some goodies were the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns which is "Great is Thy Faithfulness." I soaked in the words and placed them on my nightstand. That weekend I read them probably a million times and asked God to reveal His faithfulness to me in the weeks ahead.
Sunday came and another youth group arrived at our front door. They were a great group of students and I was having a blast with them! I was pumped when I saw that our schedule was taking us to St. John's homeless shelter that week because it was my favorite place to serve in the city. We arrived at the shelter and the Volunteer Coordinator gave us very specific instructions on how to serve the noon meal. You see, this place fed over 300 people in 1 hour, and they only had 60 seats in their dining room. People would line up, get food, eat, and leave all in a matter of minutes. That day the men were impatient. Two men got in a fight and the tension was high. You might be thinking, "How is this an Olam Haba moment?" Well, one of the staff members reached over to the youth pastor and asked him if he knew any songs on the piano. The staff person thought that live music might lighten the mood. The youth pastor timidly sat at the old piano in the corner of the dining room and said that he only knew one song, but he would play it. Soon I heard a soft familiar melody. He was playing "Great is Thy Faithfulness." Coincidence? I think not!
To my surprise, one of the men who was eating stopped, got up, and walked over to the piano. He gently put his hand on the youth pastor's shoulder and began to belt out the lyrics to the song. Some people looked up from their trays and cranked their necks to see who was singing. Then, two or three of the youth stopped what they were doing and hurried over to the piano to join. I was standing on the other side of the dining room with forks in my hand gazing on at the sight, my mouth hanging open in amazement. I began to hear voices around me hum along to the song and a few men in line even began to sing. I took a step back and looked around. Each time I had been to St. John's it was always fast paced. No one stopped to look at one another, let alone sing!
Soon, the entire place was echoing with the sound of voices. Each person was singing and if they didn't know the words they were intently listening. Some were kneeling, some were standing, others were sitting, but all were worshiping. The sound of praise grew louder and louder and tears were running down many faces. At least two dozen men and youth were gathered around this tiny, old piano with hands on each other's shoulders and singing as one body of believers. The world just stopped. Everyone was focused on a single thing...worshiping God. Before me I saw short men, tall men, white, black, and Hispanic men. I saw transvestites and men in wheel chairs and suburban students standing next to urban thugs. Two words...
Olam Haba.
Heaven had come to earth and I was standing in the midst of it. As the song played over and over my heart swelled with an unexplainable joy. I was no longer in a room filled with tension. No one was casting judgment or blame. I wasn't concerned with matters of time. For a moment I didn't see differences, but saw unity. There was unity in a crowd of very diverse people. So beyond cool.
The song faded and stillness came over the room. Then, as quickly as it came, the moment passed and the fast paced environment picked up once more. But I couldn't shake that moment. I didn't want to shake it. I wanted to live in it forever.
I want to be so observant of the Holy Spirit at work that I sense when I am living and breathing in a heaven moment. I want to live a life with the expectancy of "Olam Haba."
Great is Thy Faithfulness. Listen and be encouraged.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Holiness vs. Perfectionism
I have grown up in the church my entire life. I am a Vacation Bible School (VBS) and church camp veteran. I prayed at school during lunch in my junior high and high school days. I invited friends to church. I went to a Christian university and I am involved in ministry. I have daily devotions and prayer time and I love Jesus. And recently, all of that has just not been enough. I'm not saying any of these things are bad. In fact, they are good. They are very good. But is it okay to say that I want more? For the past two years I have been craving something deeper. I have desired to know God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit on a level that I can't even express. It is almost as if my heart will implode if I don't begin to uncover the mysteries of God.
To put my desire in one sentence: I want to live a life with the expectancy of Olam Haba, which is Hebrew for "a world to come." Ponder the weight of that sentence. Can you imagine living life with the expectancy of heaven coming down to earth? Powerful.
I went on a retreat this past weekend at Camp Marengo in Marengo, Ohio and the speaker talked of The Nazirite vow, which can be found in Numbers chapter 6. In a nut shell, God told Moses to inform the Israelites that if they wanted to make a special vow to God they must live with extreme intentionality. The Nazirite vow was not necessarily for all, but for those who wanted to go deeper in their journey with God. This type of vow was made up of disciplines not to achieve perfection, or become "better." The vow was designed to humble a person and remind him that God is in control. It drove them into a deeper knowledge (both head and heart knowledge) of who God was, who He is, and who He always will be.
Through this vow, God is saying that living a life of holiness is not only attainable for some, but achievable for all. Stay with me, this next point blew my mind and I'm still trying to wrap my thoughts around it. In the Hebrew language, "holiness" is translated as "set apart" or "separate." Here is the crazy part of all of this. Holiness does not mean completely separating yourself from the culture or from non-believers, but it means being set apart by being transparent and honest. Holiness = transparency. Transparency = confession. Confession = grace through the cross of Jesus Christ.
Wow...talk about blowing my mind away! Holiness actually means transparency and not perfection? And what does that mean? That means I no longer have to push myself the point of exhaustion, so I can do everything perfectly. It means that if I want to dive deeper into God's love, I do not have to be scared of disappointing Him with my humanness. This means that if I want to take a special vow and live a life of Godly discipline, I still have the freedom to screw things up. On the contrary to the belief of many, holiness is not hypocritical because it doesn't mean perfection. Holiness is not pretentious because it doesn't mean perfection! Holiness is not impossible because it doesn't mean perfection!!Can you taste the freedom as you read these truths?! Friends, this means that it is 100% possible to be holy. It means that we are so incredibly loved by the living God. It means we are covered in unimaginable grace. Halleluiah!
Thank you, God for showing me the reality of who You are. I still have so much to learn, but being able to grasp on to this and run with it will drastically change my life. My prayer for us all is that we can have the courage to allow God to define and refine us through holiness. May we stop trying to define God. He is beyond definition. You are holy. You are honest. Thank you, God, for giving us the gift of choice, so that we too can find freedom in a holy life. Amen!
To put my desire in one sentence: I want to live a life with the expectancy of Olam Haba, which is Hebrew for "a world to come." Ponder the weight of that sentence. Can you imagine living life with the expectancy of heaven coming down to earth? Powerful.
I went on a retreat this past weekend at Camp Marengo in Marengo, Ohio and the speaker talked of The Nazirite vow, which can be found in Numbers chapter 6. In a nut shell, God told Moses to inform the Israelites that if they wanted to make a special vow to God they must live with extreme intentionality. The Nazirite vow was not necessarily for all, but for those who wanted to go deeper in their journey with God. This type of vow was made up of disciplines not to achieve perfection, or become "better." The vow was designed to humble a person and remind him that God is in control. It drove them into a deeper knowledge (both head and heart knowledge) of who God was, who He is, and who He always will be.
Through this vow, God is saying that living a life of holiness is not only attainable for some, but achievable for all. Stay with me, this next point blew my mind and I'm still trying to wrap my thoughts around it. In the Hebrew language, "holiness" is translated as "set apart" or "separate." Here is the crazy part of all of this. Holiness does not mean completely separating yourself from the culture or from non-believers, but it means being set apart by being transparent and honest. Holiness = transparency. Transparency = confession. Confession = grace through the cross of Jesus Christ.
Wow...talk about blowing my mind away! Holiness actually means transparency and not perfection? And what does that mean? That means I no longer have to push myself the point of exhaustion, so I can do everything perfectly. It means that if I want to dive deeper into God's love, I do not have to be scared of disappointing Him with my humanness. This means that if I want to take a special vow and live a life of Godly discipline, I still have the freedom to screw things up. On the contrary to the belief of many, holiness is not hypocritical because it doesn't mean perfection. Holiness is not pretentious because it doesn't mean perfection! Holiness is not impossible because it doesn't mean perfection!!Can you taste the freedom as you read these truths?! Friends, this means that it is 100% possible to be holy. It means that we are so incredibly loved by the living God. It means we are covered in unimaginable grace. Halleluiah!
Thank you, God for showing me the reality of who You are. I still have so much to learn, but being able to grasp on to this and run with it will drastically change my life. My prayer for us all is that we can have the courage to allow God to define and refine us through holiness. May we stop trying to define God. He is beyond definition. You are holy. You are honest. Thank you, God, for giving us the gift of choice, so that we too can find freedom in a holy life. Amen!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
How Can a "Worrier" be Trasformed Into a "Warrior?"
I cannot take it anymore! I have been writing like crazy in my journal story after story and prayer after prayer, but I have not shared those stories and prayers with you in what feels life forever. This blog will be my attempt to summarize what God has been teaching me these past few months. Please stay with me as I do my best to spill out my heart using my limited English language. There are not enough words to express God's goodness.
I am a worrier. I wish I could say "warrior," but alas, I say "worrier." Major difference. I worry about everything. My first reaction to change is, "OH MY GOODNESS! How is this going to work out?!" Can anyone relate? Someone please say yes!
The big question I have been asking God is, "How can You turn this worrier into a prayer warrior?" I ask this because I know that worrying begins in the mind. Everything is a mind game. I figure that if I change my mind set from constant worry, to constant prayer, then I will begin to be more like Christ. But uh oh...there is that word again. CHANGE. As I reflected on my fear of change, I recognized that it is in times of transition when Satan pursues my mind with fierce determination. His desire is to poison my mind with thoughts of self doubt, fear, and worry. I am thankful to God that He is giving me the wisdom to decipher between truth and deception. Knowing I am being deceived by Satan is only the first step though. The next step is learning how to change my mind set from worry to prayer. Geez...
I was reading the Exodus story last night with some friends. We read about how afraid the Israelites were to walk into freedom even with all the miraculous signs God gave them. I mean, following a pillar of fire by night and having a sea be parted before your eyes?! Talk about insane! Even with those signs they had doubt and worry. But God promised them again and again that He would provide and He always followed through.
It is easy to think that the Hebrew people were ridiculous for not believing in God at times, but that is because we know the end of the story. They had years and years of oppression that caused fear and insecurity to be deep rooted into their history. I can relate to their worry. They must have thought, “How is this going to work out?!"
As I was reading the story with my friends, I stopped in my thoughts and realized that I actually do know the end of my story! My story ends with eternal life in Christ Jesus. So…I will focus my mind on things unseen (2 Cor. 5:18) and choose to have faith. I will not lose heart (2 Cor. 5:16). I will present all my requests to God, with thanksgiving, and experience a peace that saturates my heart and mind (Phil. 4:6-7) I will not worry about tomorrow because God will not fail to provide (Matt. 6:25-34). Moral of the story, this “worrier” is slowly turning…very slowly…turning into a “warrior.” Praise God.
If you can relate to this constant state of worry, be encouraged. There is hope. You may feel as though you are wandering in a desert with no direction, but God is leading you down a path of faith. Instead of worrying when the changes come, let’s remember that "our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." (2 Cor. 5:17)
Love,
Lindsey
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Trading Intolerable Sin for Relentless Love
I recently wrote a letter to my sister, Carly, explaining the hurt I felt from my own sin. I was allowing what I had done to eat away at my spirit and I became crippled by thoughts of self doubt and self pity. This is what she wrote back to me:
“I hope God uses this pain to grow in you even more. I know you will find what you’re seeking after. Don't feel defeated because of things you experienced in the past, even the unbearable things. Allow yourself to be forgiven. TRUST ME, there is so much I need to be forgiven for in my past and present! If I chose to live in the weight of all the sins I’ve committed, I would be a nervous wreck! However, God provides me with another option, even the second I’ve committed sin, and that option is to live in the freedom of forgiveness. We all have that option. To either live under the weight of our sin or under the weight of His mercy. Don't let yourself dwell on your regrets- it's pointless. Move on! Forgive yourself because God's already forgiven you!”
Carly said it well when she said, “We can either live under the weight of our sin or under the weight of His mercy.” She is choosing to trade her intolerable sin for God’s relentless love. Thanks for the reminder Carly. It empowers me to do the same.
Yes, God’s love is relentless; meaning, God’s love is unshakable. His love will not leave. He refuses to let go of us because He loves us so much.
Romans 8:1-2 tells us that “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”
We are SET FREE! Set free by the bonds of God’s love. God does not chain us to Him. He does not lay down rules and laws to keep us down. He frees us with His love.
Have you ever felt like I did? Have you ever felt consumed by self doubt and self pity from sin in your life? Trade it in. The price has already been paid through the blood of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. Trade in the sin for His love.
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