Squirrels, Prayers, and Blessings

I have had an eye infection for the past week and a half. It is red, swollen, and it hurts very badly. As a result I have to wear my glasses (which is annoying because I'm not used to them) and I cannot wear eye make-up. Please do not assume I’m a diva and have to wear make-up to feel confident; however, it is interesting when potential donors to TCC think a 15 year old is telling them where to put their money. I knock about 8 years off of my age when I go all natural. But perhaps the most frustrating part is that I have no idea what is causing the swelling and it hasn’t improved a bit. Grrr!

I was sitting in bed this morning and realized that I hadn’t once prayed for my eye’s healing. I have had this eye infection for over a week and I never thought to pray? I apologized for my lack of faith and began praying that God would heal my eye. I went on with my morning as usual and made my way to work through the ice and snow. As I stood in the office hallway with a co-worker talking about the plight of poverty (what else) one of our residents came through with a HUGE smile on his face. We exchanged our good mornings and he walked on by. Then, he turned around and said, “Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m doing so well?” Of course, after that I asked him immediately. This is what he said:

“It is so beautiful outside with all the snow, so yesterday I decided to go down to the park for my afternoon smoke break. As I stood their smokin’ my cigarette, I saw a tiny little squirrel on the path. He climbed up a tree right next to me and started eating something he found on the path. I remembered the Scripture where God said that He takes care of all creatures. He’s givin’ them something to eat and makin’ their fur grow in the winter so they can stay warm. I prayed right there and said, ‘God please don’t forget to take care of me too.’ Well, an hour later my mom came to the center with a note. The note said to call this man back because he wanted to offer me the job! God is so good isn’t He? I just love that blessing.”

He turned around and walked away still wearing that great big smile. I stood there in silence, my heart treasuring up the story I had just heard. What a beautiful reminder of living a life of faith through prayer. He recognized God's provision through the life of a squirrel and sent up a prayer of faith! I’m sure your own heart has cried that same plea. “Please God, don’t forget me.” He hasn’t forgotten you. He will never forget you. I urge all of us to remember to pray and communicate with the God who loves us. He is waiting to extend us a blessing. He is waiting to heal us. I’m so grateful for the reminder to pray and listen today.



“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life…look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6: 25-26 & 33

My Christmas Thought

I'm sitting alone in my house having just eaten dinner. I am full and cozy and wrapped in a big blanket admiring my glittering Christmas tree. For a moment my mind is still, but then two thoughts entered my stillness. One is that I really should get a mug of hot chocolate, and my second thought drifts to the word "Emmanuel" or "God with us." Two very similar thoughts, I know.

I will get hot chocolate later because I am in complete and utter awe at this simple yet mind blowing reality. I suppose the Christmas season has provoked this thought, but Christmas season or not, the idea of God being with us makes my heart beat faster. When I really stop and think about it, I can't help but feel as if I'm falling in love. Oh how God loves us. He loves us enough to take human form and experience human joy and human pain. He chose to humble Himself with the sole purpose to relate to each and every emotion we will face in this lifetime.

And for this moment, I have a heavy peace within me. This peace comes from knowing that I am never alone. Loneliness is a bitter companion for me, and I'm sure for you too. But loneliness is melting and being replaced with wonder. Loneliness buries wonder, but peace stirs it up. My amazement with God's mysteries is being awakened. I breathe in and out. I breathe in God and breathe out God. I breathe in love and I breathe out love. And this is all possible because Jesus Christ, my Emmanuel, has chosen me. He lives in me. HE LIVES IN YOU. haha!! What a glorious impossible! My joy is bubbling over!! Joy to the world, the Lord has come; let earth receive her King!

Spirit reveal yourself in me and in us. Let us be your hope to the world this Christmas and forever. Your light has broken the darkness and has set us free from loneliness and emptiness. Such a gift is too inspiring and life giving to keep on the inside. I pray we have the courage to accept our gift and share it with the world.

...now to enjoy some hot chocolate. =0)

What's Next?

I recently asked a friend how he ends up with so many great opportunities to travel and do ministry. It seems like this guy is constantly doing something great and I admit that I am a bit envious. He told me that he just stays in one place, focuses on relationships through friendship, remains faithful to God, and opportunities follow. I laughed and told him that I’m always bouncing around trying to find the next opportunity myself. His words, "stay in one place" makes me a little nervous, but he has a great point.

I was talking with another friend and she assured me that the age of 23 is both the best and most emotionally exhausting of one's life. This is the age where I am discovering who I am and who I want to become after college. Yikes...no pressure. Well if these next few years are the most emotionally exhausting years of my life, then I might as well make the most of it and publically exclaim, "WHAT'S NEXT!!!!??" (Of course this exclaimation is paried with a dramatic sigh) In all seriousness, it is stressful!

Please do not think that I am not grateful for the experiences I have had post college thus far. I am constantly thanking God for the lessons learned and experiences lived over this last year and a half, but I still feel restlessness within. I think it is time for me to refocus on God, but not through another "great opportunity." I must refocus on God by refocusing on relationships. I don’t know if this makes sense.

Example: I feel the need to chase after God by taking risks through jobs and experiences. I put myself in uncomfortable situations so I can be stretched and molded. It is my attempt to try and seek and understand God. But I think sometimes that the ministry seeking and risk taking gets in the way of me knowing Him. Oh the irony of ministry keeping me from getting to know God. Let me rephrase this statement. It isn’t ministry itself keeping me from knowing God. It is the attitude in which I have approached ministry. That my friends, is another blog post in itself. I’m longing for the renewing of my mind, and I am in desperate need of refreshment for my Spirit.

All of this to say that I think it might be time for me to just relax for a bit and allow God to lead instead of me pushing to find out "what's next." It scares me to sit and wait because I don’t want to be complacent. To me, the word "relax" implies being lazy. I don't want people to perceive me as being lazy or "without direction." Can anyone say "insecure?" God help me...I'm pretty sure this is what growing up feels like, and even though I am grateful to be in a constant state of learning, I can't help but sing, "I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys-R-Us kid." =0)

Confession

I have a confession to make. I feel obligated to know the answers to every question regarding faith in God. I have been convinced that I must always be steady and strong. I have often times been the counselor, the "go to" girl, the one that prays for and with friends. So, what happens when the "go to" girl crumbles? What happens when she questions? What happens when she doesn't have the strength to believe on her own? What happens when she realizes it isn't possible for her to always be steady?

I feel this self spoken pressure to question carefully, or to never EVER ask a question that makes me seem like I doubt God's faithfulness. If I openly say that I don't understand something, or question God through tears of pain and bitterness, then I am not being a good witness for Him. Typing this out makes me feel a little foolish, and prideful. But if I have to be honest with myself and others to grow, then this is it.

I have been praying that God would show me His grace. I have been praying that I would begin to experience grace and know it fully. I don't want to simply read and accept. I want to know grace so much that it becomes a part of my life story.

A word of caution. If you pray to know grace, be prepared to feel miserable. I have been facing some pretty ugly realities. My heart has been broken into pieces over the deceit, manipulation, and anger I've seen in my tiny world view. My belief that humanity is innately good has been ripped out of me. The trust I used to put in people has been replaced with hesitation. I've looked inside of myself and noticed my own decay. Hopelessness. "How is this grace, God?!" I screamed this out to Him one day driving home from work in my car. As I cried I began to feel God's comfort wash over me and I calmed down in His presence. Nothing huge happened there in the car, at least nothing I could define. What happened was that God comforted me. I didn't get an answer to my brokenness, but God met me where I sat.

I'm beginning to remember God's promise through Jesus Christ. That promise is forgiveness. That promise is hope. I cling to that truth and it literally brings me to my knees. I'm brought to my knees because God loves us so much that while all of this horrible stuff in the world (and in our hearts) happens, God still meets us where we sit. He became human to know us. And friends, now we can know grace. Grace is Jesus. “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” Hebrews 12:2

How can God love a world that hates Him? How can He love a world that doesn't even know that it hates Him? We are so unaware of God's presence that we don't even know we are denying an Awesome Creator God. That is enough to break anyone's heart once they know God in an honest and real way.

God, is slowly restoring my heart. He is picking up the pieces and whispering new truths into my life. "So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view...therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:16 & 17 He is mending my heart with grace. So when it is finally put back together it might look a little messy. Some of the pieces might be unevenly put together and the edges may no longer be smooth, but grace will be running through the entire thing like glue. Grace will be what holds my heart together and what gives me fresh eyes to look upon this world. Grace is restoring my hope.

I am going to question. I'm going to be confused. I'm going to get angry and I'm going to cry, but in the midst of it all I'm going to be held by Grace. My prayer is that each day I will understand Christ more and more, and flourish in that freedom. Questioning, mistakes, and all!!

Lessons Learned While Fasting

Lately, I've wished I could stop time long enough to make a few critical decisions so I don't feel the pressure of deadlines. I'm trying to decide what is next in life. Is it grad school? Is it continuing to be in the work force? Is it traveling? I don't know! I wonder about future relationships and I wonder about future ministry. What does God have for me?

I decided that because I had some major decisions coming up and because time isn't going to stop and wait for me to make those decisions, I would fast from food. I've never fasted before. It never appealed to me. I had friends that did it growing up in youth group and throughput college, but I like food way too much. =0) I always found an excuse not to do it. But for some strange reason this past Sunday I felt convicted to fast all day Monday. I wasn't sure why I was having that particular conviction on that particular day, but I figured if I was being convicted then I better do it.

My purpose for abstaining from food was to offer God an act of faithfulness. I wanted to show Him that I'm serious about following His will and not my own. With that said, each time I felt my stomach growl or wanted to eat, I would pray instead. I would thank God for His provision and for His goodness. I would pray specifically for the decisions in which I have to make soon and I would pray for guidance and wisdom. Well...I started my fast at 9pm Sunday night and by 10am Monday morning I was hungry and grumpy. Why was I doing this again?! I had thoughts like, "Well, maybe I can fast until dinner and then I can just thank God for His blessing of food the entire time I eat. That would work right?" Yeah that would work, if my purpose of fasting had anything to do with food. The point was not to avoid food. The point was to give up something I needed, so that it would remind me to focus on God. haha It is funny how temptation tricks us into forgetting our original convictions.

I prayed through my grumpiness and I prayed for wisdom. But you know what? At the end of the day I didn't feel enlightened. I didn't have the answers to my questions. I felt hungry, tired, and...that's it. So what was the point? I came to one conclusion...

Obedience.

Sometimes we have convictions and we don't know why, but it is important to obey those convictions anyway. I knew that fasting was a Biblical practice and that it could only drive me closer to God's love, so I obeyed. What I learned through this experience is that obeying God may not "make sense" to me at the time. But maybe it will make sense to me later. Obeying God through one conviction may not seem to reap any fruit, but a lifetime of obedience results in a heart full of joy, love, and faithfulness. We may not know why God is calling us to do something or take a risk. But I encourage each of us follow Him and I bet we will be amazed.

"As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, He saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. 'Come follow me,' Jesus said, 'and I will make you fishers of men.' At once they left their nets and followed Him." Matthew 4:18-20


Peter and Andrew left their nets at once and followed Jesus. AT ONCE. They followed their convictions and look where it led them. Andrew witnessed the greatest miracle of all time which is the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ! Peter was entrusted to lay the foundation of the church! Andrew and Peter knew what their futures held without Jesus. They were fishermen. They had no idea what their futures held with Jesus. Their lives were packed with adventure. One act of obedience changed the course of Andrew and Peter's lives, and a lifetime of obedience filled them with unimaginable purpose and passion.

What is that conviction in your life? I encourage you to obey and see how God reveals Himself to you.

And by the way, I will probably fast again someday, but you better believe I will feel a strong conviction before I do! And I can honestly say that I hope it isn't anytime soon!! haha

Olam Haba

In my last blog I talked about the Hebrew words, "Olam Haba." This is translated as "a world to come." I also mentioned in my last blog that I want to live a life with the expectancy of "Olam Haba." Now, I hope none of you look at this and think I am even stranger than you thought. ;0) Let me explain what I mean.

I want to live as though heaven is coming down to earth. I believe that is how Jesus taught us to live through His example. I want to be so observant of the Holy Spirit at work that I sense when I am living and breathing in a heaven moment. Follow me with this thought...you know those moments where everything seems right? I'm talking about a deeper "right" than when you get an A+ on a test, discover a gas gift card in your wallet, and get asked out by the cute guy at church all on the same day. What I'm talking about is living in a moment where the world seems to stop, and you feel as though you are experiencing a sneak peak of what heaven will be like. Okay, I'm better with stories.

So as many of you know, I worked and lived in Philadelphia two summers ago as a City Host with a ministry called Center for Student Missions. Youth groups would come from all over the country to experience a week of life and service in the heart of urban America, West Philly. My job was to introduce students and their leaders to city life in regards to everything from ethnic restaurants to homeless ministry. One weekend I was feeling exhausted from the previous week's activities. Yes, I was physically exhausted, but I was emotionally and mentally exhausted as well. To my relief, sitting on my bed was a package from my mom. I opened it up and included with some goodies were the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns which is "Great is Thy Faithfulness." I soaked in the words and placed them on my nightstand. That weekend I read them probably a million times and asked God to reveal His faithfulness to me in the weeks ahead.

Sunday came and another youth group arrived at our front door. They were a great group of students and I was having a blast with them! I was pumped when I saw that our schedule was taking us to St. John's homeless shelter that week because it was my favorite place to serve in the city. We arrived at the shelter and the Volunteer Coordinator gave us very specific instructions on how to serve the noon meal. You see, this place fed over 300 people in 1 hour, and they only had 60 seats in their dining room. People would line up, get food, eat, and leave all in a matter of minutes. That day the men were impatient. Two men got in a fight and the tension was high. You might be thinking, "How is this an Olam Haba moment?" Well, one of the staff members reached over to the youth pastor and asked him if he knew any songs on the piano. The staff person thought that live music might lighten the mood. The youth pastor timidly sat at the old piano in the corner of the dining room and said that he only knew one song, but he would play it. Soon I heard a soft familiar melody. He was playing "Great is Thy Faithfulness." Coincidence? I think not!

To my surprise, one of the men who was eating stopped, got up, and walked over to the piano. He gently put his hand on the youth pastor's shoulder and began to belt out the lyrics to the song. Some people looked up from their trays and cranked their necks to see who was singing. Then, two or three of the youth stopped what they were doing and hurried over to the piano to join. I was standing on the other side of the dining room with forks in my hand gazing on at the sight, my mouth hanging open in amazement. I began to hear voices around me hum along to the song and a few men in line even began to sing. I took a step back and looked around. Each time I had been to St. John's it was always fast paced. No one stopped to look at one another, let alone sing!

Soon, the entire place was echoing with the sound of voices. Each person was singing and if they didn't know the words they were intently listening. Some were kneeling, some were standing, others were sitting, but all were worshiping. The sound of praise grew louder and louder and tears were running down many faces. At least two dozen men and youth were gathered around this tiny, old piano with hands on each other's shoulders and singing as one body of believers. The world just stopped. Everyone was focused on a single thing...worshiping God. Before me I saw short men, tall men, white, black, and Hispanic men. I saw transvestites and men in wheel chairs and suburban students standing next to urban thugs. Two words...

Olam Haba.

Heaven had come to earth and I was standing in the midst of it. As the song played over and over my heart swelled with an unexplainable joy. I was no longer in a room filled with tension. No one was casting judgment or blame. I wasn't concerned with matters of time. For a moment I didn't see differences, but saw unity. There was unity in a crowd of very diverse people. So beyond cool.

The song faded and stillness came over the room. Then, as quickly as it came, the moment passed and the fast paced environment picked up once more. But I couldn't shake that moment. I didn't want to shake it. I wanted to live in it forever.

I want to be so observant of the Holy Spirit at work that I sense when I am living and breathing in a heaven moment. I want to live a life with the expectancy of "Olam Haba."


Great is Thy Faithfulness. Listen and be encouraged.

Holiness vs. Perfectionism

I have grown up in the church my entire life. I am a Vacation Bible School (VBS) and church camp veteran. I prayed at school during lunch in my junior high and high school days. I invited friends to church. I went to a Christian university and I am involved in ministry. I have daily devotions and prayer time and I love Jesus. And recently, all of that has just not been enough. I'm not saying any of these things are bad. In fact, they are good. They are very good. But is it okay to say that I want more? For the past two years I have been craving something deeper. I have desired to know God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit on a level that I can't even express. It is almost as if my heart will implode if I don't begin to uncover the mysteries of God.

To put my desire in one sentence: I want to live a life with the expectancy of Olam Haba, which is Hebrew for "a world to come." Ponder the weight of that sentence. Can you imagine living life with the expectancy of heaven coming down to earth? Powerful.

I went on a retreat this past weekend at Camp Marengo in Marengo, Ohio and the speaker talked of The Nazirite vow, which can be found in Numbers chapter 6. In a nut shell, God told Moses to inform the Israelites that if they wanted to make a special vow to God they must live with extreme intentionality. The Nazirite vow was not necessarily for all, but for those who wanted to go deeper in their journey with God. This type of vow was made up of disciplines not to achieve perfection, or become "better." The vow was designed to humble a person and remind him that God is in control. It drove them into a deeper knowledge (both head and heart knowledge) of who God was, who He is, and who He always will be.

Through this vow, God is saying that living a life of holiness is not only attainable for some, but achievable for all. Stay with me, this next point blew my mind and I'm still trying to wrap my thoughts around it. In the Hebrew language, "holiness" is translated as "set apart" or "separate." Here is the crazy part of all of this. Holiness does not mean completely separating yourself from the culture or from non-believers, but it means being set apart by being transparent and honest. Holiness = transparency. Transparency = confession. Confession = grace through the cross of Jesus Christ.

Wow...talk about blowing my mind away! Holiness actually means transparency and not perfection? And what does that mean? That means I no longer have to push myself the point of exhaustion, so I can do everything perfectly. It means that if I want to dive deeper into God's love, I do not have to be scared of disappointing Him with my humanness. This means that if I want to take a special vow and live a life of Godly discipline, I still have the freedom to screw things up. On the contrary to the belief of many, holiness is not hypocritical because it doesn't mean perfection. Holiness is not pretentious because it doesn't mean perfection! Holiness is not impossible because it doesn't mean perfection!!Can you taste the freedom as you read these truths?! Friends, this means that it is 100% possible to be holy. It means that we are so incredibly loved by the living God. It means we are covered in unimaginable grace. Halleluiah!

Thank you, God for showing me the reality of who You are. I still have so much to learn, but being able to grasp on to this and run with it will drastically change my life. My prayer for us all is that we can have the courage to allow God to define and refine us through holiness. May we stop trying to define God. He is beyond definition. You are holy. You are honest. Thank you, God, for giving us the gift of choice, so that we too can find freedom in a holy life. Amen!

How Can a "Worrier" be Trasformed Into a "Warrior?"

I cannot take it anymore! I have been writing like crazy in my journal story after story and prayer after prayer, but I have not shared those stories and prayers with you in what feels life forever. This blog will be my attempt to summarize what God has been teaching me these past few months. Please stay with me as I do my best to spill out my heart using my limited English language. There are not enough words to express God's goodness.

I am a worrier. I wish I could say "warrior," but alas, I say "worrier." Major difference. I worry about everything. My first reaction to change is, "OH MY GOODNESS! How is this going to work out?!" Can anyone relate? Someone please say yes!

The big question I have been asking God is, "How can You turn this worrier into a prayer warrior?" I ask this because I know that worrying begins in the mind. Everything is a mind game. I figure that if I change my mind set from constant worry, to constant prayer, then I will begin to be more like Christ. But uh oh...there is that word again. CHANGE. As I reflected on my fear of change, I recognized that it is in times of transition when Satan pursues my mind with fierce determination. His desire is to poison my mind with thoughts of self doubt, fear, and worry. I am thankful to God that He is giving me the wisdom to decipher between truth and deception. Knowing I am being deceived by Satan is only the first step though. The next step is learning how to change my mind set from worry to prayer. Geez...

I was reading the Exodus story last night with some friends. We read about how afraid the Israelites were to walk into freedom even with all the miraculous signs God gave them. I mean, following a pillar of fire by night and having a sea be parted before your eyes?! Talk about insane! Even with those signs they had doubt and worry. But God promised them again and again that He would provide and He always followed through.

It is easy to think that the Hebrew people were ridiculous for not believing in God at times, but that is because we know the end of the story. They had years and years of oppression that caused fear and insecurity to be deep rooted into their history. I can relate to their worry. They must have thought, “How is this going to work out?!"

As I was reading the story with my friends, I stopped in my thoughts and realized that I actually do know the end of my story! My story ends with eternal life in Christ Jesus. So…I will focus my mind on things unseen (2 Cor. 5:18) and choose to have faith. I will not lose heart (2 Cor. 5:16). I will present all my requests to God, with thanksgiving, and experience a peace that saturates my heart and mind (Phil. 4:6-7) I will not worry about tomorrow because God will not fail to provide (Matt. 6:25-34). Moral of the story, this “worrier” is slowly turning…very slowly…turning into a “warrior.” Praise God.

If you can relate to this constant state of worry, be encouraged. There is hope. You may feel as though you are wandering in a desert with no direction, but God is leading you down a path of faith. Instead of worrying when the changes come, let’s remember that "our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." (2 Cor. 5:17)

Love,
Lindsey

Trading Intolerable Sin for Relentless Love

I recently wrote a letter to my sister, Carly, explaining the hurt I felt from my own sin. I was allowing what I had done to eat away at my spirit and I became crippled by thoughts of self doubt and self pity. This is what she wrote back to me:

“I hope God uses this pain to grow in you even more. I know you will find what you’re seeking after. Don't feel defeated because of things you experienced in the past, even the unbearable things. Allow yourself to be forgiven. TRUST ME, there is so much I need to be forgiven for in my past and present! If I chose to live in the weight of all the sins I’ve committed, I would be a nervous wreck! However, God provides me with another option, even the second I’ve committed sin, and that option is to live in the freedom of forgiveness. We all have that option. To either live under the weight of our sin or under the weight of His mercy. Don't let yourself dwell on your regrets- it's pointless. Move on! Forgive yourself because God's already forgiven you!”

Carly said it well when she said, “We can either live under the weight of our sin or under the weight of His mercy.” She is choosing to trade her intolerable sin for God’s relentless love. Thanks for the reminder Carly. It empowers me to do the same.


Yes, God’s love is relentless; meaning, God’s love is unshakable. His love will not leave. He refuses to let go of us because He loves us so much.

Romans 8:1-2 tells us that “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”

We are SET FREE! Set free by the bonds of God’s love. God does not chain us to Him. He does not lay down rules and laws to keep us down. He frees us with His love.

Have you ever felt like I did? Have you ever felt consumed by self doubt and self pity from sin in your life? Trade it in. The price has already been paid through the blood of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. Trade in the sin for His love.

Be Strong and Courageous

What a week! I'm not partial to change. Transformation is another story. So...if all the change that is happening will aid in the positive transformation of my heart then bring it on! I just read a quote today that says, "Do not be discouraged when it seems like the more you learn, the less you know." Can I get an amen?! I'm learning each day that I don't know half the things I thought I did. "Do not be discouraged," the quote says. It is easy to fall into despair. I have had dark moments of discouragement this week, but thank God that they have been drowned in the HOPE that comes with the light of Jesus Christ. He is a comforting God. He is a God who provides. I have been encouraged by His word this morning and want to share it with you all.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

God spoke these truths into Joshua’s life after the death of Moses. Can you imagine Joshua’s fear? The leader he had in Moses was no longer with him. Plus, he was appointed to step up and lead the people into the land God promised! Talk about responsibility! Talk about stress! (If I was Joshua, I would have what I like to call a full blown melt down by that point.) But what does God repeat again and again? “Be strong and courageous. Be strong and courageous. Be strong and courageous.”
I am so thankful that He is my strength and my courage. Do not be discouraged. He is with us wherever we go. He is Emanuel. Allow His truth to soak into your minds and hearts today. He is faithful. FOREVER faithful.

Laughing in Hard Times

God has a sense of humor, that is for sure. The past few years of my life He has led me down some crazy paths that just don't make sense from an outsiders perspective. Actually...they don't make sense from my perspective either! Let me explain...I never thought in a million years that God would call me to work at a men's homeless shelter. NEVER. Never in a million years! You get that?! NEVER!!!!! And the hilarity of it all hit me today while driving in my car. I was leaving to take a much needed lunch break and I just started cracking up laughing. This could be a sign of craziness, but I like to call it joy in the midst of tribulation.
This week has been extremely difficult due to layoffs at work. Four out of eleven employees were let go last Friday. It is safe to say times are hard, uncertain, painful, scarey...you get the idea. The Christian Center is struggling and the team that is left to try and pick up the pieces is exhausted. That team includes me. I've been running all over the place today dealing with situations I never thought I would have the courage and/or the strength to handle. For example, today while I was covering the front desk for a fellow employee's lunch break, I heard tons of commotion outside on the side walk. I went to see what was happening and there were two ladies verbally smacking each other around for the whole world to hear. While I stood their gawking that them, a man coming in for clothing vouchers walked up and began cussing at the ladies for making a scene in front of a christian organization. (Thanks, buddy. That is really helpful!) Then, some residents began walking out of the dining hall after lunch and began standing around the women. It would have been a classic high school scene if only someone would have yelled fight while people swarmed like bees to see what was happening. I thought to myself, "Holy cow! It is about time I start giving some tough love. Active immediately !"
"Hey you," talking to the guy needing vouchers, "you think cussing these ladies out is helping? If you would like me to help you, you need to come inside these doors and watch your mouth. We don't speak like that around here. And everyone who is a resident, either go back into the dining hall and finish eating or go to your assigned stations. You and I both know you don't need to be getting mixed up with fighting women."
Some of the residents chuckled at the comment, realized I was right in more ways than one, and walked to their stations actually thanking me for the direction. The guy needing vouchers apologized for using fowl language and I helped him get the things he needed after I called the police and to have the ladies removed from property.
So you are probably thinking why this is funny and why I was cracking up in my car? I was laughing because God's desire is to show the world His glory is so evident. What better way to do that than by putting a light-weight, insecure, people pleasing, scared to be assertive and and scared to say "no" girl into an environment full of broken people. Broken people can make some pretty stupid decissions, and broken people require guidance from secure, assertive, loving individuals. I know this because I've been broken and have made plenty of studpid decissions as a result. We all have in one way or another and that is the plain truth.
How funny it is that God has appointed me, at this time, in this place, even in my own brokenness to set people straight. "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
We all need compassion and comfort and I am humbled to be able to give that daily here at The Christian Center. We all need direction and a little tough love too. I have no choice but to offer that just as freely if I'm serious about loving.
It is so easy to give credit to Him when we know our own limitations and we can see Him work through it anyway. He is my wisdom. He is my strength. He is my authority. He is my courage. Thank you God for your provision and for choosing the unlikeliest of people to do your work. It is amazing, and at times it just makes me laugh.

He Told Me Not to Worry

Hey friends,
I pray these words will encourage you today.

I woke up with worry and stress covering my mind like a big heavy quilt. I came to work with a permanent look of distress plastered on my forehead and I began making my “to do” list wondering, “how will I have the strength to do these things today?” Then, on the radio I heard a soft melody play accompanied with these words:

You’re calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place
Worthy, Worthy

I open up my heart and let my spirit worship Yours
I open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, Worthy

Of a childlike faith, and of my honest praise
And of my unashamed love
Of a Holy life, and of my sacrifice
And of my unashamed love
You’re calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place
Worthy, Worthy

With eyes closed, I felt my worry slowly melting away. The look of distress turned to peace. And then I listened to it 5 more times.  It was like I couldn’t soak up the words enough! And each time I listened the words became more real and my heart no longer felt like someone had a grip on it. I took a deep breath, let out a long sigh, and smiled. You should look this song up if you don’t know it. It is titled “Unashamed Love.” It is sung by Jason Morant.
I hope and pray that God takes hold of your mind and heart today. Don’t let worry win. He is in control.

"...but seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be give to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself..." Matthew 6: 33-34

Bearing the Cross

"...and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 10:38-39

I was recently enlightened on what it means to "take up your cross." I never fully grasped what Jesus meant by bearing the cross. When I was younger I thought "taking up your cross" meant to carry your burdens with a good attitude. I suppose that is an interpretation that works in the "sort of" category, but I know it goes so much deeper.
I was sitting around a camp fire with a group of close friends and we read together from a devotional that explained "our cross," metaphorically speaking, is our flesh. Meaning, sin is the cross we bear. Therefore, I'm slowly coming to the understanding that taking up my cross means to bring glory to God by following Jesus Christ even in the midst of adversity, brokenness, confusion, and devastation. It makes sense because adversity, brokenness, etc. is the result of sin whether it be my own personal sin, the sin of the world, or a twisted combination of both.
So...what is the trick to carrying a cross? Oh, my favorite word (just kidding) submission.
So I asked myself, "What is it that I need to submit to Christ in order to bear my cross?" Like the second part of the verse says, I want to lose my life so I can find it. (That isn't confusing at all, right?!)
I came to the conclusion that (drum role please) I need to submit my selfishness to Christ before I can pick up anything and follow Him. Talk about a punch in the gut.

Submission kills the disease of selfishness and allows us to completely abandon ourselves to God. The tricky thing about selfishness, at least in my case, is that it disguises itself as victimization or humility. I've placed myself in these "humble" positions only to find that my heart had been facing a mirror instead of a window. All I could see was myself. This was me:

"Disregard the well being of others, what about ME?!"

I have known of my selfish tendencies for a long time, and God has truly been working in my heart. It hurts at first but I feel so FREE at the same moment. FREEDOM...ahh...what a sweet sweet word.
So...I'm thankful for the insight on what it means to bear the cross. It makes things a little more clear for me.

My Spirit Can't Be Crushed

Holy cow...this year has been a doozie. I've been reflecting on the past year and I feel like I've experienced a whole-lot-0-stress in this short 365 day period. It seems more like 3,650,000 days. I've experienced great change through graduating college, beginning an intense new job, family getting married, sickness taking over my body and mind, tension in relationships, the end of what I thought would be a "forever" relationship, and the death of my precious grandpa to mention a few. I'm surprised I am not out of tears.
In the midst of all the sickness, despair, death, and change I have been crying out to God and asking Him to make me more into His likeness. More of You and less of me, God. I've also been crying out in confusion. "God, when will it end? Why do I feel like the world is out to crush my spirit? I want to put my trust in you but it is hard, and I want to replace this burning anger with joy. I'm not sure I've known a moment without fear in so long."
Nights have been the worst. It is when I'm lying alone in my bed that lies from the Great Deceiver begin invading my thoughts.

LIES:

"You will always be alone."
"Why would anyone want to be with you when you don't even know who you are. You can't let people in until you get a grip."
"Just stop trying. You have nothing important to say. You are stupid and too much of a burden for anyone to care."
"You aren't really making a difference at The Christian Center. You are lazy and they deserve to have someone better in your position."
"Everyone you love will either leave you or die. Close your heart because you aren't strong enough to take that kind of pain again."

There have been many nights where my tears became like a blanket covering my body. As much as I wanted to surrender and believe those lies, I could feel this tug of war within my mind. I could sense God saying to me, "Enough. I know who you are. You are my Child. You are not alone. I've been with you this entire time and I'm sick of the Deceiver tricking you into these lies. Linds, it is going to hurt getting you away from His grip, but it is time. I have plans for you and nothing can be done when those lies are staining your thoughts. I am love and love is the opposite of fear. Trust me with your heart. I want you to sleep well my little girl."

How He loves me. How He loves us. I've realized this year that the tug of war over my life didn't begin last April. The war began long before I took my first breath. Letting go of insecurity and lies and sin has been more painful than the sickness. There are times when this Spiritual transformation seems like the death of me. And it is the death of me. It is the death of me and the start of new life in Christ. He has been my hope, my prayer, my next breath…He is my everything and I can say with all my heart that I don’t know what I would do without His love. The only reason I’m not eating tons of junk food while watching Ever After over and over again to escape into someone else’s love story is because I am living in my own story. He is the author of life and I will choose, even in the midst of the chaos, for Him to take the pen from my hands and write something beautiful. These verses below have been my strength. I hope you draw strength from them like I have this year. God loves you. I might not know the exact situation(s) you are going through, but I can tell you that HE LOVES YOU.

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. . . Therefore WE DO NOT LOSE HEART. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-12 & 16-18

The Question

Have you ever questioned God’s promise through Jesus? Maybe you don’t question that Jesus was the Messiah and that He died on the cross and rose again, but maybe you have a hard time believing how personal Jesus’ death and resurrection is in your life. I recently talked with a friend who had a lot of questions. And when I say a lot of questions I mean it. Most nine year olds do.

I volunteer with a children’s program at my church on Wednesday’s when I get the chance. I have known this little girl, Jordan, for four years now and let me tell you she is one honest person! Her honesty is paired with an attitude that screams, “Shoot girl, I know I’m a diva okay, so step aside.” =0) Usually, this combination proves to be difficult, but last week my conversation with her left me praising God.

My friend Kristin asked me to talk with the kindergarten and 1st graders about journaling, what it means to me, and how it can be a way we communicate with God. Jordan, even though she is in 4th grade, decided to join us. I began to explain when we write in our journals we can ask/tell God anything in our hearts and He will hear us. Their goal was to write their thoughts about an Easter video we had just watched. It was about the disciples waiting for Jesus to rise from the dead. It was a great video that depicted the worry, sorrow, and tension that must have gone on in those three days of waiting.

As we sat there in a tight little circle, each of us writing away in our separate thoughts, Jordan asked me a question that left me speechless.

THE QUESTION:

Jordan: “Miss Lindsey, I get the whole Jesus had to die thing, but why would God allow Him to die in such a painful way? That seems so mean to me and I just don’t get this at all.”

My thoughts: “Oh. My. Goodness. Holy Spirit be my words.”

What do I say to that?! She just looked at me with her dark brown eyes searching for the answer on my face. Unfortunately for her all she saw was my mouth hanging open saying, “Umm…well…I…here’s the thing…umm.” Brilliant, I know.

Me: “Can I ask you a question, Jordan? Have you ever done something you know you shouldn’t do, but you do it anyway?”

Jordan: “Yeah. I shop lift all the time. I know it is wrong, but my friend taught me how to do it and I’ve done it with her a lot lately. I feel guilty each time though.”
(Remember that attitude I mentioned earlier…)

Me: “Well, Jesus died on the cross to pay for all the times we do something wrong. For example, every time you shop lift, and every time I judge somebody. That is why Jesus died the way He did because He loves us so much He took our place when we were deserving of the punishment. He loves you so much, Jordan. He doesn’t want you to do those things.”

Jordan: “Okay…I get it a little more I guess. I’m still confused but okay. Can I write God questions in my journal because I have a lot of them for Him.”

Me: “Yes! You can write Him as many questions as you would like. My journal is full of questions. The great thing is that when we write them down we can remember what we asked and when Jesus answers our questions we will remember to thank Him.”

Jordan: “Okay, wait a second. (Insert sassiness here) When Jesus answers our questions? What are you talkin’ about? How does He do that? Girl, we can’t hear Him, He is dead!”

Me: “Girl, what did you say?!” (Insert sassiness again) He is not dead at all! He is very much alive! He is alive in you and me. Did you fall asleep on the second half of that video we just watched? Jesus came back alive after three days! Can you believe it?! And yes, He went back in to heaven, but He gave us a gift called the Holy Spirit before He went away. The Holy Spirit lives in your heart if you ask and in mine too.”

Jordan: Oh, my goodness…okay…so how does He answer our questions? Through the Holy Spirit? And how do you hear the Holy Spirit?” (she said this as she let out a big sigh and brought her hand to her forehead in confusion.)

Me: “Yes you are right, He answers us through the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit lives in your heart if you invite Him in. That little guilty feeling after shop lifting is a nudging from the Spirit. God can answer your questions through friends who have the Holy Spirit in them and through reading Scripture, through a song, and in nature. He is everywhere. That is why it is important to keep our hearts, minds, ears, and eyes open.”

Jordan: “In nature? Jesus speaks to you that way? How?”

Me: “Have you ever been stressed out because your friend doesn’t like you anymore or you hate school because you just don’t get what the teacher is telling you, but then you go outside and you see a flower or feel the sun on your face? How do you feel?”

Jordan: “Yeah I like going outside when bad stuff happens. I feel peaceful.”

Me: “Have you ever thought that the peaceful feeling is God calming you down because He loves you?”

Jordan: “Oh…(sounding more hopeful) okay, that makes sense.”

Me: “I know it can all be confusing Jordan. Keep praying and asking questions. Keep searching and remember, God wants to talk with you and He will do it in a lot of different ways. He might not answer the way you want to hear, or in your timing, but He will answer because He loves you.”

Wow. But the story gets better. Miss Kristin called us back into a big group to read the closing scripture for the evening. As she began to read, Jordan whipped her head around to look at me; eyes wide with excitement and a tone in her voice to match that beautiful expression she exclaimed, “MISS KRISTIN HAS THE HOLY SPIRIT IN HER!” The verse:

“For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that He was buried, that He was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures.” 1 Corinthians 15:3-4

“Miss Lindsey, God just answered my question through Miss Kristin! That is why Jesus had to die for me the way He did! He died for my sins! I get it! Girl, you ain’t lyin’ when you tell me stuff like this!”

Hahaha!!! God is so good isn’t He? May we all learn to be honest like Jordan and ask questions. We can even throw in a little attitude. Just ask Jordan.

Prayer

Have you ever had an unexpected encounter with someone that changed you? I don't mean a quick interaction, but a real encounter. A time of meeting where you left saying to yourself, "What in the world just happened?!" I seem to have a lot of those. Some good, some bad, some awkward (which are my least favorite), but every once in a while I share a moment with someone that leaves me wide eyed and praising God. I would like to share with you one of those moments.

As a bit of background, I work at a place called The Christian Center. It is a men's homeless shelter whose mission is to "offer a transformed life in Christ to the Hungry, Hurting, and Homeless." I am the Volunteer Coordinator. I get the fun task of organizing groups to volunteer their time and to learn about homelessness. And when I say "fun" I mean it. No sarcasm whatsoever. I'm learning so much and feel so grateful to be there.

Okay, back to the story. (I'm changing the resident's name for confidentiality purposes) This is an excerpt from my journal from a few months back:

How humbling it is to know that God has chosen me, a broken and imperfect girl to share His love and grace with others. Tonight was an unforgettable and unexpected blessing. As I hurried down the stairs I couldn't stop thinking about all the things I needed to get done before Bible Study. It was an 11 hour work day and I had nothing on my mind except food and comfy clothes. Then, I saw John standing alone in front of the reception office smoking a cigarette. His hands were shaking slightly and his head was down. It was getting colder outside. He must have just gotten out of the health clinic. I said hello and he lifted his head very slowly. His eyes were glossy and sad. My heart sank a little from the look in those blue eyes. I asked him how he was doing.
"Not good," he said.
That is all he said at first. After a few moments he began to tell me how he had another seizure the night before. I did my best to convey to him that I understood he was feeling scared and hopeless. (nothing is worse than feeling hopeless AND alone) But as he talked sorrow filled his voice and I wasn't sure what to say. He said the seizures were going to kill him someday. He sounded sure of it. Then it grew silent. I was speechless. My heart cried out to God for words. What could I say?!
He continued and said he knew life wasn't about being wealthy. He turned around to face The Christian Center and with a disgusted tone in his voice said, "I want so much more than this!"
Again...silence.
I felt a nudge inside of me telling me to pray with John, so before I lost courage I asked if I could pray with him. Surprisingly he let out a sigh of relief and said, "yeah."
As soon as he said yes, another resident walked by and I asked if he would like to join us. So...right there on the street corner, we huddled close with arms around one another and I began to pray. I prayed that John would have a peace in his heart that surpassed his understanding and that he would begin to seek and find God. I thanked God for John and I also prayed for his granddaughter because he asked me to before we began praying. When I said amen I fully expected John to say thank you and leave. During the prayer I could feel his sobs as he tried to hold them inside; but instead, John began to pray. He told God he had never prayed out loud and he didn't know how. He asked God to be with him. My heart smiled when he said amen.
He went on to say that he didn't feel like he could ever accept God. When I asked him why he felt that way he said it was because he had done so many horrible things and he could never be perfect.
I put my hand on his arm and said, "Oh John, no one can ever be perfect. I love Jesus and He loves me, but I'm far from perfect. I'm selfish, I say things better left unsaid, and I struggle with countless temptations, but His grace covers all of that."
He shook his head as if to dismiss it but I said, "It is like this, when you have dirty laundry you go to the laundry mat. You don't go with clean clothes. You go with dirty clothes and then you wash them, but eventually you go back with more dirty clothes. We as people are dirty and we can come just as we are to God. He washes us clean and we are brand new. But we are imperfect people and we come back to him with more dirt. God doesn't expect us to be perfect, but he does desire for us to be better. He wants us to live in love and leave our sin, but it is only by his strength that we can do that."
He looked me in the eyes and said, "Thank you for taking the time to stop and pray with me. You always ask me how I'm doing. Thank you."
He began to cry again and he said, "Lindsey, I know you have to protect yourself around here more than the other employees because you are a woman and things, so when I ask you this I don't mean disrespect, but please...I just...I need someone to hug."
He was crying even harder. I began to get teary eyed, and I hugged him. It was brief, but he hugged me tight and said, "Thank you."
He walked me to my car and told me to be careful. I watched him walk away as I drove off and my heart broke for him. I began to cry and prayed to God on his behalf.

My encounter with John changed me. I learned compassion and the power of prayer. My encounter with John was an encounter with the God that created him and me.
I continue to pray for John. Since our conversation he has left The Christian Center, and I'm not exactly sure the reason. All I know is that I won't stop praying because God has taught me the power of prayer through people like John. I think it is so cool that even though John had never even prayed out loud, God used him to change my heart. Praise be to a God whose love and peace truly does surpass our understanding.

New Beginnings

I suppose if I have to title each post I would title this one "New Beginnings." While I have been journaling for years this is the first time I have tried blogging. God has taught me a lot about myself and Himself through the discipline of writing my prayers, thoughts, concerns, and even sometimes grocery lists.(Sounds weird, but just trust me.) I looked up at my bookshelf the other day and realized that half the books I own are the books I've written! The first page of each of my journals is titled "New Beginnings" because in a way it symbolizes a new chapter in my life.
I pulled out a journal from my sophomore year of college and began reading about the joys, fears, heart break, confusion, praises, and so on that I so carefully documented. I read of the way God faithfully brought me through my every day, and I began to think, "I need to share this with as many people as possible!"
With all this said, the goal of this blog isn't to impress people with my amazing writing skills or dazzle others with my extensive vocabulary; but, I do hope to encourage whoever may be reading this to know that new beginnings are for each of us. God's mercy is new EVERY MORNING and He loves us with a love I'm doing my best to understand. May the crazy thoughts I seem to have encourage you and bless you as we continue to serve, love, and pray. Yay for new beginnings!